Mental Stumble = 2 Rest Days

Before I begin, this post will not be my normal post about working out, rather about the toll your mental state can take on you.

Last night was a rough night at my house.  I have an adorable, strong willed, emotional little girl who I love with all of my heart.  Lately she has been testing her mommy.

Last night was a bit much, the words "I'm not happy mommy and it is because of YOU!", were enough to throw me over the edge.  I felt like crap, we battled and battled, this was all over something as simple as dinner.  I know kids get angry and say things, but I guess at age 7 I didn't expect to hear that I was making her unhappy already.

I am a very emotional person, Bella is exactly like me in that sense.  So many times I think to myself, why couldn't she have taken after her dad a bit more with his calmer emotions?  Instead poor Kyle (and my father-in-law) are stuck with two girls who are extremely emotional and have big tempers.

I love Bella more than life itself, she is my everything, I would give anything to make her happy and give her a good life.  However, I am also not one to put up with rude behavior and snotty attitudes.  

I proved to myself and Bella last night that I will stick to my guns.  I wanted to give in so many times but knew I couldn't, even if it would have been easier, because she would learn nothing other than that if she holds out long enough I will cave.

In the end she spent quite a while in her room, I cried with Kyle over me feeling like a horrible mother.  Not understanding why over the past couple of weeks she and I have been having issues.  I started wondering, is she acting out because I've been going to the gym at night?  Is she mad that on the weekends I am away for a couple of hours at the gym am I a bad mother because I haven't been going to the gym at 4:30am??  Kyle tried to reassure me that I am not a bad mother and I am doing nothing "wrong".

Bella came out of her room wrapped in a blanket, sat by Kyle and let us finish what we were talking about and then she apologized.  I told her to come sit on my lap and she did, we just sat there hugging for quite a while.  She told me she was very sorry and doesn't know why she sometimes can't control her emotions and gets so angry.  I told her she is seven and it takes time to learn how to control your emotions, even I still have issues with that.  I asked her if there was anything I could do better to be a better mommy to her and she said no.  

Out of my guilt I told her that I would be starting to really try to start going to the gym in the morning instead of at night.  Right away she told me that she doesn't mind it that I go to the gym, it is important for me to do that.  She really is proud of me for working so hard to achieve my goals, she made sure I knew that last night.

So I didn't make it to the gym last night, I let myself get so far beyond stressed out, it was ridiculous.  I even had heart flutters, it has been over a year since that has happened.  Just proves how much your mental state can impact you physically, being upset with myself for allowing myself to get so worked up didn't help either.

I did feel better after Bella and I talked, I know last night was just one of those moments that will occur in life and I have to deal with it better.  Rather than sitting and sulking, I should have gotten up and headed to the gym to get away so Bella could cool off and I could too.

To make myself feel even better I had Kyle measure my shoulders and thighs, we'll do all of my measurements on Saturday.  So my shoulders have grown about two inches and so have my thighs!!!  I knew I looked broader and who would think I would be excited about bigger thighs?!?  I really am growing, proof is in the measurements :)

On to a happy day today, a true rest day and Bella has dance tonight and I get to hang out with my niece Lauryn.  It's going to be a good day!

Legs Alone = CREEPER

Last night I went and lifted legs by myself, legs are something David is going to really have to wait a while before he can lift, it affects your back so much.  Kyle hardly slept yesterday so he needed his sleep before he had to go in to work.

I really don't mind going by myself, like I've said before I put in my headphones, blast Rob Zombie radio on Pandora and have at it.  Sometimes people talk to me and I have to stop what I'm doing to chat, sometimes that's fine, especially if someone wants to ask about an exercise I'm doing.  

But when I am busting my ass, sweating insanely, red faced and pushing through a squat, not the time to come stare at me and want to chat.  I got followed around everywhere I went by an older man, it was uncomfortable and kinda creepy.  I was happy when I was done and able to get out of there.

Barbell Squat
12 - 95 lbs
6 - 125 lbs
6 - 125 lbs
6 - 125 lbs
12 - 95 lbs

10 Push Ups between each set.

Barbell Deadlift
12 - 95 lbs
6 - 115 lbs
6 - 115 lbs
6 - 115 lbs
12 - 95 lbs

Calf Press on Leg Machine
30 - 180 lbs
24 - 270 lbs
24 - 270 lbs
24 - 270 lbs
30 - 180 lbs
(Really went up on this one, my calves were on FIRE when I was done!)

Barbell Lunge
24 - 30 lbs
12 - 40 lbs
12 - 40 lbs
12 - 40 lbs
24 - 30 lbs

Seated Calf Raise
12 - 115 lbs
6 - 160 lbs
6 - 160 lbs
6 - 160 lbs
12 - 115 lbs

Leg Extensions
10 - 85 lbs
10 - 70 lbs
10 - 55 lbs
10 - 40 lbs
10 - 25 lbs
10 - 15 lbs
Two sets of that!

Seated Leg Curls
10 - 55 lbs
10 - 45 lbs
10 - 35 lbs
10 - 25 lbs
Two sets of that!

My intention was to get up this morning at 5am and go to the gym for a two mile run, then go tonight to lift shoulders.

I did not get up at 5am, so I will be lifting shoulders tonight and then running.  I would like to keep my cardio separate from my lifts, but I think that probably won't happen until I can just get out of bed and walk out the door to run or run on my lunch hour at work instead of having to get all ready and head to the gym for a simple run.  This weather is just killing me, I'm so far beyond ready for spring!

Gym Therapy

Last night I headed to the gym later, much later than normal for me anyway, I didn't get there until 6:53pm!!!  That was after chatting with someone close and hoping I was giving some good advice, trying to get Kyle up but he didn't get much sleep yesterday so he didn't go with me.

I was frustrated when I got to the gym, ready to take it all out on the weights, and man did I.

First of all I have my new binder with all my workout sheets in it, I forgot to write down the previous weights I did on my lifts so I just guessed.  I was 99% sure on some of them and not so sure on others.

I warmed up hardcore and was sweating before I even hit the weights.  When I got to the weight room one of the regular guys had to stop me and ask me why I've been working out alone, damn it David, giving people a reason to talk to me ;)  I kid, I kid!  I don't mind chatting at the gym, especially before I get started, but once I'm in the right "mode" I do like to be left alone and that is why I wear my headphones when I am alone :)

It was back night and I was looking forward to it, shoulder shrugs, my FAVORITE!!!

Wide Grip Assisted Pull Ups
12 - 85 lbs assisted
6 - 70 lbs assisted
6 - 70 lbs assisted
6 - 70 lbs assisted
12 - 85 lbs assisted

Bent Over Dumbbell Row Palms Facing In
12 - 30 lbs
6 - 45 lbs
6 - 50 lbs 
6 - 50 lbs
12 - 30 lbs
(This was one I wasn't sure on the heavy weight, I went up 15 pounds :))

Barbell Shoulder Shrugs
12 - 115 lbs
6 - 135 lbs
6 - 135 lbs
6 - 135 lbs
12 - 115 lbs
(I knew I went heavier on this one, I felt it right away, but I did it!  The bar was hard to hold, I really, really NEED to get some straps.  Anyway I went up 20 pounds :))

Bent Over Barbell Row
12 - 40 lbs
6 - 60 lbs
6 - 60 lbs
6 - 60 lbs
12 - 40 lbs

Machine Rear Delt Flyes
12 - 15 lbs
6 - 25 lbs
6 - 25 lbs
6 - 25 lbs
12 - 15 lbs

Seated Cable Row
12 - 50 lbs
6 - 65 lbs
6 - 65 lbs
6 - 65 lbs
12 - 50 lbs

Narrow Grip Assisted Pull Ups
12 - 85 lbs assisted
6 - 70 lbs assisted
6 - 55 lbs assisted
6 - 55 lbs assisted
12 - 85 lbs assisted
(I was so proud of myself for being able to lower the assisted weight on these!)

I ended with 40 push ups, different hand placement for each set of 10.  It was a great workout.

Today I have had some "stressors" come my way, I'm taking DEEP breaths and really FOCUSING.  I am not joking when I say this is the time of year for the past, hmmmmmm, probably 5 years that something pops up.  Sadly I've come to expect it, learning how to deal with it is something I always struggle with.

Continuing to focus on my own family and my goals are what is truly important, nothing will bring us down, nothing will bring me down, NOTHING.  We have each other, that is all we need.  Thankful for my husband who continues to support me in this new lifestyle, thankful for our daughter who makes us laugh everyday and shows us what life is really about, thankful for her support as well, thankful for my father-in-law, who is more than willing to hang out with her at home on nights he doesn't have to work so Kyle can go to the gym with me, thankful for my family and friends that put up with me constantly talking about competing and living this lifestyle.  The positives outweigh the negatives so much, sometimes I have to remind myself of that <3 font="">

15 Weeks!!!

This weekend hit the 15 week mark, woo hoo!!!  My weight has been fluctuating by about three pounds, not too worried about it, we won't be doing my body fat again until next week.  I'm hoping that it stayed the same or went down a little bit.

I took some pictures, nothing fancy, just a couple of selfies at home.  My weight came back in my boobs and tummy.  I've started adding in more cardio, mostly I will be running.  Training for the Dam to Dam run at the end of May, and then doing hill sprints or the step mill once a week.

I did my first run yesterday, it has been months since I ran, I was able to do 2 miles at a 10 minute mile pace, pretty happy with that!  Also that was after I totally killed my arms and was already tired :)

So here I am 15 weeks out.

As you can see I'm a bit puffy, I've grown, I'm about 16 pounds heavier than I was at the competition in October.  I wish the lighting was better because it does not do justice for the booty I am growing ;)  My mid section is the part that "annoys" me the most, nutrition and cardio will get that area slimmed down fairly quickly.

Currently my goal is to be down to about 141 pounds in three weeks, that way I only have about 10 pounds to "lose" in 12 weeks for the competition.  My goal over these last couple of months has been to gain muscle, so hopefully I can be the same weight I was for the last competition but have more size to me.

Yesterday was food prep day I made 48 oz of brussel sprouts, four sweet potatoes, one butternut squash, three dozen hard boiled eggs, 20 oz ground turkey, 30 oz chicken breast and 50 oz tilapia.  I have frozen broccoli and carrots that steam in the bag so I didn't have to make those at least :)  It was quite the evening of food prep, feels good to have it all measured out and just waiting to be reheated! 

Killed Leg Day!

I had an awesome workout with Kyle last night, just what I needed to get me out of my funk.  

We killed my legs and threw in push ups, my pec was a bit sore but overall felt good, that made me happy :)  

It was nice to show Kyle how strong I've gotten, went up in weight on squats, deadlifts and seated curls.  Next time I will be able to increase the weight on everything else I think.

Kyle pushed me as he always does, making sure I really got LOW on my squats, pushed through on my deadlifts, lunged far enough on my lunges, and yelled at me through the leg extensions at the end.  The gym is a time where I like being yelled at, I hope he takes the time to really enjoy those moments, tell me to PUSH IT and finish off those reps! :)

Squats
20 - 45 lbs
6 - 115 lbs
6 - 115 lbs
6 - 120 lbs
12 - 95 lbs
(Superset with 10 push ups between reps)

Deadlifts
20 - 65 lbs
6 - 105 lbs
6 - 105 lbs
6 - 105 lbs
12 - 95 lbs

(Superset with three angle calf raises)

Three Angle Calf Raises
30 - 180 lbs
24 - 225 lbs
24 - 225 lbs
24 - 225 lbs
30 - 180 lbs

Barbell Lunges
24 - 20 lbs
12 - 30 lbs
12 - 30 lbs
12 - 30 lbs
24 - 20 lbs

(Superset with seated calf raises)

Seated Calf Raises
12 - 90 lbs
6 - 135 lbs
6 - 135 lbs
6 - 135 lbs
12 - 90 lbs

Leg Extensions - Drop Sets (2 sets)
10 - 85 lbs
10 - 70 lbs
10 - 55 lbs
10 - 40 lbs
10 - 25 lbs
10 - 15 lbs

Now doing these extensions at the end really kills me, I feel a burn DEEP in my quads, like someone is stabbing a searing hot iron rod into them.  Sounds awful, right?  It's not, it is actually a good burn ;)  My quads are very strong, takes a lot to kill them.  On these drop sets you do the first weight, drop it down, next weight, drop it down, etc with no rest between.  This was when I needed Kyle to yell at me, no better feeling than finishing that last set at 15 pounds which is KILLER even at such a light weight, stepping off the machine and shaking out my legs knowing I killed it :)

Seated Leg Curls - Drop Sets (2 sets)
10 - 55 lbs
10 - 45 lbs
10 - 25 lbs
15 - 25 lbs

My hamstrings are not as strong as my quads, always been that way.  I will increase my weight on the curls next time around, they are getting stronger that's for sure.

Then we did push ups together to finish off the workout.  I only did 30, the competitive girl came out in me, sometimes I think Kyle knows that happens and that is why he has us do them together ;)  My right pec was feeling weak, I think Kyle did 50 push ups, I had to do mine slower dang it.  I'll get him next time ;) 

The Mental Game

I think of myself as a strong person, physically rather than mentally.  I let stressors get to me way more than I should, they pop up in my life far more often than I care for and a lot of the time it is something out of the blue that slaps me in the face.

I read Fat Loss By Mind Power from Fighter Diet once and will be reading it again, probably a few times.  Great advice in there on how to mentally reach your goals and get through those tough moments.

Today is a tough moment, last night was a major tough moment where I found myself thinking, ok Steph another bump in the road STOP letting it take you down!  Last year I overcame many obstacles and still achieved my goal, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!  Actually I WILL DO IT AGAIN!

Six days of heavy lifting is taking a toll on my body, only a week and a half left of it and we'll get back to lifting a couple body parts a week.  That is also when I begin my 20k training, I'm actually really looking forward to that.  Running again, being lost in my own world, especially on my long runs.  Sure some of them will have to be indoors on the damn treadmill, unless it magically gets warmer I'm not one to run outside if it is below 20 degrees and windy, I'm a wimp like that ;)

One of the toughest things for me at this moment is to not compare myself to others.  It is so HARD, I know there is no one out there like me, we are all very different and we all achieve different results of course.  The past couple of days I've felt like a failure, not making it to the gym because of my stupid pec.  I was going to go last night but I allowed my mental state to take control and didn't go.  I DID do food prep though, didn't get it done this weekend, so that is a big plus.  Especially since chicken breast was on sale and I got 10 pounds for about $16 :)

Back on track today, sorry for the downer, we can't have upbeat positive days every day.  I'm looking forward to working out with Kyle tonight, David will be out of commission for a while, that makes me sad, not the same without him.

Time for me to get back on track, take deep breaths often, be there for my family, stop letting outside factors affect me so much.

I'VE GOT THIS!

WTH....Icky Weekend

Friday's leg workout was "easier" than Tuesdays, it was more of an active recovery workout.  We did 15 stiff legged deadlifts, no weight on the bar, then 20 side squats, again no weight on the bar.  We did this four times, then had a really good ab and stretching session.

David did more than 15 deadlifts on his last set and I had to give him crap for it.  I was overly ambitious on Tuesday and look what it did to me, I didn't want him in the same pain regretting doing too much even though at the moment it didn't feel like too much.

Saturday we headed to the gym for chest, when David was getting out of the car he tweaked his lower back.  I mean he couldn't move, I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the hell to do.  He is a big guy, just so tall and built and I'm pretty small so imagining me trying to get him moved from the driver side of the car to the passenger side seemed nearly impossible, especially with the icy parking lot.  Eventually we got him home, he was able to drive.  I worked on his lower back a bit and could tell he totally tweaked his right side, it was so tight.  I got him all setup to be comfy with a heating pad on his couch, some pain killers and I headed home.  My mind was not in gym mode anymore, it had been snowing and finally kind of stopped so instead I shoveled our driveway.  Our damn snow blower is broken, we have a large driveway, it sucked.

Then I had a nice break from the craziness with Carley :)  I attempted to show her examples of posing, kind of hard to do in my house and would have been much better in the exercise room at the gym, but I think she understands the poses at least.  I love her passion and drive, she is a girl on a mission!

Sunday I decided to go to the gym for chest and arms, double up since I missed Saturday.  I did my warm up and then started with flat bench dumbbell chest press.  I did my lighter weight and felt great, started with my heavy weight and felt a pain in my right pec.  I decided to keep going, the pain got worse and then I made myself rack the weights and leave the gym.

I was in tears when I got home, from the pain and the frustration.  What was going on???  This is NOT a time for me to get injured.  I have tennis elbow in my right arm and now my right pec is in searing pain.  You could feel how tight everything was from my armpit to my pec, the left side was much looser.  So I iced it, took some ibuprofen and tried to relax.  

Yesterday the pain was much less and thankfully there is no bruising, I'm 99% certain I didn't tear anything.  I rested again yesterday, I was tired, grumpy and wanted to spend the day playing with Bella, giving my body another day to rest.

Today I'm still in pain, mostly my elbow again.  I will be heading to the gym tonight for arms and back, hopefully all goes well.  I'm too scared to train my chest this week, that will have to wait until Saturday.

I was reminded of one thing I don't do properly, warm up.  I do five minutes on the elliptical and go lift, clearly I need to do some other form of warming up like jumping jacks, arm circles, stretch, etc.  I'm so impatient, time to stop being that way though.

SORE and Hungry

This morning the only way I could get out of bed was to pull myself up using my blankets, then I had to lift my legs off of the bed.  Can't tell you the last time I was this INSANELY sore!!!  The quads are growing, love how quickly my legs are coming along, I'm a bit terrified for my second leg day tomorrow.  Tuesday was a normal leg lifting day, tomorrow will be more like a cardio leg day.  That may mean I will have to take on the challenge of the insane 400 deadlift workout, we'll see what Kyle decides.

I have noticed an increase in my appetite over the past week, yay!!!!  That means I really am working hard enough, I need to feed my muscles some more and next week I should be able to eat ALL of the food in my nutrition plan :)

I was thinking that I should start sharing some of the recipes I use, instead of just talking about my crazy oatmeal with egg whites in it I can take a photo and share how I make it.  It might sound yucky, the gals I work with tease me about it and let me know I ruin my oatmeal almost every day ;)  It really is more like and oatmeal egg souffle, promise :)

Now I'll use my camera I use when I do my photography but today I just took a photo with my phone because it was probably the best my oatmeal egg mixture has looked.  The texture is perfect, it tastes sweet and savory.

I use 1/2 cup of organic quick oats, one packet of stevia and one tablespoon of cinnamon.  Mix that together with enough water to just cover the oats.  Microwave it for one minute, mix it up a bit then pour one cup of egg whites over it.  DO NOT MIX IT UP.  Put it back in the microwave and cook for about four minutes.  You should end up with fluffy egg whites on top and yummy oatmeal on the bottom.  I honestly enjoy this breakfast so much :)

Leg Day - Holy Crap

Kyle changed up my second leg day of the week.  Added in one exercise and added in drop sets, HOLY CRAP.

Now I sweat, a lot, we all know that, but last night was RIDICULOUS.  I'm not joking when I say I look like I had showered, my hair was dripping sweat, it was running down my legs, my arms, my face.  I truly gave it my all for that workout!

Today I am extremely sore, like nearly every body part besides my shoulders and I lift shoulders tonight so they can join the sore club tomorrow!  Not sure how I'll do on abs, they are still killing me today but I will get in a good ab workout tonight regardless.  My abs are also a bit swollen right now, so annoying, can't wait for them to get used to these workouts.

This will be a long workout log, drop sets = a LOT of lifting.

Barbell Squats
12 - 75 pounds
6 - 95 pounds
6 - 95 pounds
6 - 95 pounds
10 - 95 pounds
10 - 75 pounds
10 - 55 pounds
10 - 45 pounds
HOLY SHIT, that was killer, excited to go up in weight for my heavy sets next time :)  I did push ups between the first four sets, the drop sets you only take a long enough break to adjust the weight and get right back at it.

Deadlifts
12 - 75 pounds
6 - 95 pounds
6 - 95 pounds
6 - 95 pounds
10 - 95 pounds
10 - 75 pounds
10 - 55 pounds
10 - 45 pounds

Three Angle Calf Raises on Sled
30 - 180 pounds
24 - 225 pounds
24 - 225 pounds
24 - 225 pounds
30 - 180 pounds

I superset the deadlifts and calf raises, again, HOLY SHIT.  I may say that a lot in this post, sorry.

Barbell Lunges
24 - 20 pounds
12 - 30 pounds
12 - 30 pounds
12 - 30 pounds
24 - 20 pounds

Seated Calf Raises
12 - 90 pounds
6 - 135 pounds
6 - 135 pounds
6 - 135 pounds
12 - 90 pounds

I superset the lunges and raises, will remember to do drop sets on the raises next time :)

Leg Extensions - Three Sets
10 - 85 pounds
10 - 70 pounds
10 - 55 pounds
10 - 45 pounds
10 - 25 pounds
10 - 15 pounds

Leg Curls - Three Sets
10 - 45 pounds
10 - 35 pounds
10 - 25 pounds
10 - 15 pounds

Entered almost everything on BB.com, their site is being super slow right now so I didn't get everything but what I did enter it had me lifting for total weight 52,400 pounds, woo hoo!

I superset the extension and curls, HOLY SHIT!!!!!  Doing the extensions that way after doing the lunges was beyond INTENSE.  I don't know how to describe the DEEP burn I felt in my quads on those extensions, insane!

Today I find it difficult to sit, go to the bathroom, stairs are just torture.  Grow legs, GROW!!!!!

Back & Abs

Last night was weighted abs and back.  With my new schedule I will be doing weighted abs on Mondays and regular abs on Wed and Friday.  Your abs are just like any other muscle and shouldn't be worked every day.  They need to rest and recover too!

Sometimes you may not realize how much you use your abs daily, especially if you are doing cardio, and with weight training there are so many exercises where you need to keep your core tight.  Or maybe you get to work and your parking lot is an ice rink, you slip when you get out of the car and use your core to keep yourself upright only to have searing pain throughout your core due to the intense ab workout you did the night before.....that may or may not have been me this morning ;)

The ab workout last night consisted of (I make up my own names for some stuff) leg lift throwdown (lay on your back and have your workout partner standing over your head, when you bring your legs up have them push them down as hard as they can and you resist), weighted exercise ball crunches (regular crunches on the exercise ball holding a medicine over your head), weighted pulse ups (holding a medicine ball between your feet, pulse up, sometimes I have to lower my legs and readjust the ball), weighted russian twist (russian twist holding a medicine ball), hanging leg raises, partner bench sit ups (sitting on a bench face your partner and hook your feet under their legs, lie back and do sit ups, punch their hands when you come up, remember these Stephie?!?  Still my fave.), 15 burpees.

Ready for me to start keeping track of what I'm doing?  It's so exciting!!! ;)

Wide Grip Pull Ups - On the machine, someday I'll be able to do unassisted pull ups :)
12 - 85 pounds assisted
6 - 70 pounds assisted
6 - 70 pounds assisted
6 - 70 pounds assisted
12 - 85 pounds assisted

Dumbbell Low Row, Palms facing in
12 - 25 pounds
6 - 35 pounds
6 - 35 pounds
6 - 35 pounds
12 - 25 pounds

Barbell Shoulder Shrugs
12 - 95 pounds
6 - 115 pounds
6 - 115 pounds
6 - 115 pounds
12 - 95 pounds

Bent over Barbell Row
12 - 40 pounds
6 - 60 pounds
6 - 60 pounds
6 - 60 pounds
12 - 40 pounds

Narrow Grip Pull Ups
12 - 85 pounds assisted
6 - 70 pounds assisted
6 - 70 pounds assisted
6 - 70 pounds assisted
12 - 85 pounds assisted

Push Ups
4 sets of 10

Seated Cable Rows
12 - 45 pounds
6 - 60 pounds
6 - 60 pounds
6 - 60 pounds
12 - 45 pounds

Back Flyes
12 - 15 pounds
6 - 20 pounds
6 - 20 pounds
6 - 20 pounds
12 - 15 pounds

Entering this on BB.com came out to 10,500 pounds lifted, but with the pull ups it would be more :)  I am super weak on the back flyes, just not used to that lift but I will get stronger!

Enlightening Moment

I weighed myself Saturday morning, at my parents house so not on my normal scale, according to theirs I had lost 6 pounds.  I had a tiny freak out moment, thinking, whoa that is too much in one week and could be a bit of muscle loss!

Then I sat there for a minute thinking about how I had just reacted to that weight loss and it made me giggle.  Never in my life did I think I would EVER kind of freak out over weight loss.

As we grow up surrounded by magazines, advertisements, tv shows, movies that portray the "ideal" woman as skinny, it is hard to be mentally strong enough to not let it affect you in some way.  Having strong women around you that don't give a damn certainly helps and as you grow becoming knowledgeable about what is actually healthy for yourself is extremely helpful.

I've always had a more muscular build, my legs have always been bigger.  I can remember in high school I was embarrassed by my "man" legs, I had bigger legs than a lot of the guys.  The goal in my mind was to somehow get my legs smaller and to be skinny, not great goals.  I would check my BMI and according to that stupid chart I was always overweight, I now know the BMI chart is a joke.  I'm sorry, I know there are health professionals out there that would argue that point with me.  When you are building up muscle mass, you are going to weight more.  Many times that stupid chart would have me in the "overweight" category, so not true.

When I moved to Seattle and started working at 24 Hour Fitness I really got into weight training, but I also started taking Hydroxycut and that was when it had ephedra in it.  I would be taking 10-12 pills a day, barely eating and killing it at the gym.  I got pretty small and it just didn't look right on me.  After I stopped taking Hydroxycut, I gained the weight back I had lost fairly quickly.  A sure sign that I lost the weight in a not so healthy way.

When Kyle and I started dating we were very active and loved working out together, I had thoughts about competing but I was not disciplined enough to do it back then.  I got pregnant with Bella, indulged in EVERYTHING during my pregnancy and gained a lot of weight.  It took me a while to lose the weight after I had her and I felt horrible about myself.  I felt like I was so huge and my body had definitely changed a bit.  I would work out with Kyle and argue with him about what he was having me do, thinking I knew what I was talking about.  We would go for runs and I would get irritated if he ran faster than me, I'm "slightly" competitive ;)  At that point we just couldn't work out together, I was a stubborn ass.

So when we began last January and Kyle saw the change in me, it was just nice to know we could do this together, I would listen to him and more importantly learn from him.  We don't focus our attention on the number on the scale, but I do weigh myself so that I know if I need to add in more calories to my nutrition plan or not.  I'm feeding my muscles right now, I need to know if I'm not feeding them properly, but there is no ideal weight goal for me.  We go mostly off of body fat percentage, as long as that stays where we want it, I'm pretty much good to go :)

I guess what I'm trying to say is this, it feels awesome to truly be happy with myself physically.  I can't say there has a been a moment in my life where I've felt this way.  I'm happy with ME, proud of how strong I am and the goals I am achieving.  Bella sees me as a strong, happy woman, I work out to be healthy, to compete, to be strong, to be happy, to be confident and that is the image of women she will grow up seeing the most!

Exciting News!

Last night I talked with Carley and we got her nutrition plan set up for her first week.  She asked lots of great questions and it reminded me of overwhelmed I felt last year.  Just so much information out there and of course everyone has their own style of training and dieting, I can only say what has worked for me and give the good tips for competition time :)

So she was planning on doing a competition in North Carolina the week after my competition here.  Well now she and Zach will be coming home in May for a visit so she can do her first competition with me!  I am so, so beyond excited to do this competition with her :)  We are going to ROCK the stage in Des Moines!!!!

So much excitement last night and thoughts running through my head, I got some Melatonin yesterday, took one before bed and it helped so much!  You don't know how happy I was to get to sleep early and stay asleep, although I didn't go to the gym this morning because I set my alarm for pm instead of am, oops.

Kyle is taking Bella to her first dance class so I can get to the gym after work, yay :)

SOOOO Much Food!

I am having a really hard time getting down all of my breakfast and dinner.  I know my appetite will increase and eventually I will be able to eat it all, but holy cow!

My niece Carley is doing a competition in May, just a week after mine, how fun to have some in my family doing this at the same time I am!  I just wish she didn't live in North Carolina, would be even more awesome if she and Zach were here.  I will be helping her out with her nutrition planning tonight, I'm so excited to help her reach her goal!

I just had to take a picture of my dinner last night and send it to her, granted I won't always be eating this much but over the next six weeks while I'm still building like I am I HAVE to get all these calories in.  Actually I still might be on higher calories since I'm adding in half marathon training this time around.....didn't think about that!

Here was last nights dinner, a pound of brussel sprouts and 12 ounces of ground turkey.  I can have other vegetables as well, I just really wanted brussel sprouts.  Hated them so much as a kid and now I love them, granted fresh ones are way better than the frozen ones!

Well you get to see a sideways photo I guess, I couldn't finish it all and probably only got 3/4 of it down.  One amazing thing with all this yummy, healthy food, no more cravings at night for anything sweet and I'm not hungry anyway :)  Although I do like having my blueberry tea at night, relaxes me a bit.

I am having issues with my sleep at the moment, I just can't get my mind to shut off and let me get to sleep!  Sleep is so, so important for my body to recover.  I've been feeling really off, extremely sore, grumpy and exhausted.  I'll be trying some Melatonin tonight to see if that helps, I really hope it does, this girl NEEDS her sleep!

Yesterday was shoulders, my elbow was sore before we began and man did it take a beating!  Today I can barely do anything with my right arm, will be icing it again tonight, stretching, taking ibuprofen and will be doing a double workout in the morning of arms and back.

18 Weeks....WHAT?!?

I've been back to my normal training for a couple of weeks now.  The holidays did make it tough, so busy and so much not so good for you food everywhere, but I made it through and only gained about three pounds :)

Currently I am 150 pounds, I've definitely been gaining some size in the gym.  My body fat is 17.5%, a bit higher than I wanted it to be, but only by about 1%.  With proper nutrition that will drop quickly.  I really only want to lose about 10 pounds over the next 6 weeks, that way for the last 12 weeks of my prep I only have about 10 more pounds to go.  The first few pounds will come off easily because I know they are mostly from bad eating!

I had a moment a couple weeks ago where I was pretty upset with myself for how I allowed myself to gain pounds back by eating everything I wanted to eat.  My tummy is and will always be a "tough spot" for me, that bad food all went to the fat in my tummy and my abs were gone quickly.  I had a friend reach out to me to do a fitness photo shoot, only three days notice and I had to turn them down.  I was very angry with myself at first and decided to look at it as yet another lesson learned.  I can't stress enough to anyone wanting to get into figure competing, this is a lifestyle, especially if you plan on continuing competing and doing anything that could go along with that, such as a fitness photo shoot!

By all means have that night after your competition and even the day after to indulge in what you have wanted most, but then get right back on track and stay there.  Have you cheat moments, but make sure they really are just moments :)

My elbow is still killing me, I push through it on my workouts and we are adjusting things to help lesson the stress on my tendon.  I wear the strap I have for it every workout and remember to wear it almost every day, still stretching and icing it and taking ibuprofen.  I've had to go lighter on some of my lifts, but better to do that than tear a tendon!

I am officially on the Fighter Diet, so much food right now, I'm trying to get in 2200 calories a day, not wanting to really lose a lot of weight like I said before and trying to get my muscles to grow.  I HIGHLY recommend the Fighter Diet for anyone getting into competing, not just for the nutrition plan but for everything.  Pauline is extremely straight forward, you want your muscles to grow, then you have to eat right and FEED your muscles and you have to KILL it in the gym every time.  Heavy lifting is the way to grow those muscles and being insanely sore like I am every day is just proof to my body that I am making it bigger.

Kyle is keeping me on my heavy workouts with the 12, 6, 6, 6, 12 rep style.  I really am focusing on lifting heavy enough that I have total muscle failure on my last rep, or I push out one more.  I am keeping journals of all of my workouts to help me continue to go up in my weights, I am also trying to journal everyday about how my body feels, how I feel mentally how my emotions are, keeping a close eye on myself :)

Kyle kept telling me that we had built an awesome base in the last year of my lifting, I believed him of course, but when I started hitting it hard, it was so nice to see all of that muscle still there and ready for me to go past my limits to make them grow more.  After just a few days of proper nutrition my abs are beginning to show again and I've still got 18 weeks to go!

I have also decided to join my friend Shalae and run the Dam to Dam run here in Iowa, it is a 20K, basically another half marathon.  We all know how my last half marathon experience went, not the best.  I admittedly didn't train properly for it and am looking forward to already being in great shape but also training properly for this race, like making sure I get in ALL of my long runs!  The only weekend that will truly be tough and maybe not possibly is the weekend of my figure competition, I will be fully depleted and will probably have to put off my long run until the following Monday, see I'm already planning ahead :)

A lot of people out there say you can't be a distance runner and still have muscle, especially to compete.  YES YOU CAN!  It just means I will be eating more calories this time around for my prep with all the running I will be doing, and it might make cutting easier, not a bad thing in my eyes :)

Here's to 2014 and all of my big fitness goals!  I will for sure compete in two competitions this year, depending on how it goes I may do three.  May, October and possibly November will be really big months and I'm so looking forward to it!