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Beauty in Muscles

My journey back to the stage has begun again.  I am so excited to be on this path and feel more ready than ever before.  This year after my hysterectomy my body has truly found it's happy place.  A place where my calories are nice and high.  I have been enjoying food, hit many PR's in the gym, stayed at a consistent weight for months while also leaning out.  I have never been in this place physically and I truly feel so amazing in my own skin.

Proof of that is in these pictures.  The one on the left is week 1 of my prep in 2018, the picture on the right is week 1 of my current prep.

The woman on the left was excited but also in a lot of pain and honestly quite lost.  I pushed through that prep and had an outcome I never could have imagined.  It was a wonderful competition and provided me a long moment of feeling extremely proud and somewhat confident.  Following that prep my pain and symptoms worsened and I feel I went down this dark path losing myself even my love for myself.  Sometimes allowing yourself to go to a dark place is the easy way out and it affected not only me but also those I love the most.  

As we know I came out of that dark place, rather I was pulled out and was forced to face myself as my life was seemingly crumbling around me.  I knew my focus had to become on myself, even though that felt selfish, I knew it and so did those closest to me.  Harsh realities came to light and with that massive changes, but changes that were certainly needed in order to flourish and truly find ME again.

The timing of my prep is perfect, it is going to give me something to focus on that I have a good amount of control over.  Honestly I need that so much right now.  Life has felt a bit out of control and the changes have been a major adjustment.  I do feel myself healing in a way but there are still really hard days.  Doing what I love so much with weight training, especially with an amazing friend to train with sometimes, brings me so much positivity and joy.  The natural endorphins from the workouts always help to get me out of funk.

This prep is starting 22 weeks out so it can be a slow process with opportunities to reverse up a bit as I go along.  Kyle has an awesome plan set out for me and I am so damn excited to see what I achieve with his guidance.  He truly is an incredible coach with so much proven success from bodybuilding competitors to Crossfit competitors, Spartan races and more. 

I will be sharing weekly about my journey back to the stage, just a warning you will get full honesty from me.  Nothing will be sugar coated, I will praise the good days and be open about the brutally difficult days.  Sharing everything from food prep, progress photos, videos and the major difference of going through prep with Kyle as my trainer and friend rather than my husband.

For sure it will be a much different experience for him not being in the same house through my prep, he's getting off easy 😂  This process truly does affect everyone around you as you go through so much mentally, there are some really tough days.  I'm blessed to still be able to count on him in a different way and know I have his full support no matter what.  Ending a marriage is difficult but ending it with goals of true support and friendship certainly makes a massive difference.

So you might be wondering what changed for my first week?  Did my calories get dropped big time?  Do I not get to eat carbs?  Do I have to do crazy amounts of cardio?

The answer to all of those questions is NO!!!!

My calories stayed the same and I lost a pound.  I am currently at 2450 calories a day and that's a good thing because this girl likes to EAT!!!  My macros got changed up to high protein and carbs with low fat.  I will be thoroughly enjoying my carbs while I have them, bring on the Sour Patch Kids!!!  Some cardio has been added in but it is minimal, just a few short HIIT sessions and some LISS/MISS spread throughout the week.

I have done well with being consistent with my caloric intake and focused for the past year on increasing them, this is so important to help make the experience a bit easier.  You have more room to play with calories and there will be no need to be crazy low even the last few weeks.  Every time I have competed we learn different things about how my body reacts to the process and what works best for me.  This is not a sport of quick fixes and fast results, it requires so much patience and trusting in the process.  I have not always been patient with the process and it feels amazing to actually feel a bit relaxed for this prep.

So I hope you enjoy following me on my journey and seeing the amazing changes that occur.  Life has been challenging me so much lately but I am more than ready for this exciting journey and seeing the best ME yet!

300# CLUB - Hell Yeah!!!!

 Last year I had a goal of trap bar deadlifting 300#, I pulled #295 and never got 300#.  It was at the end of the year, my body was angry with me and I was ignoring the major issues I was having because quite honestly I was too damn stubborn to admit I needed serious help.  In my mind things would ease up for a day so that meant I was getting better.  

I was never getting any better and everyone around me, especially Kyle, was wanting so badly for me to get the help and procedures I needed but I didn't listen to anyone.  Sometimes we don't know why we make the choices we do but looking back I do wish I would have listened to those who loved me so much at the time.  Instead I pushed my body far beyond it's limits, I was living life extremely anemic, constantly losing blood and in so much pain but I told myself I could tough through it.

Thankfully I came to my senses, a little too late as COVID caused delays in my hysterectomy and I found myself in some scary situations.  After healing my body and then working on healing my mind and my heart I reset my goal of 300#.

There were changes in training after our gym closed and Kyle and I separated.  I needed my space and I know he did too so I wasn't training with him.  I still got workouts from him but trained on my own or with my bad ass friend Brenda.  Thinking of trying that PR lift without him was hard for me sometimes and I just didn't bring myself to try it.

Then one day Brenda and I had a heavy leg day a couple of weeks ago.  In my head I thought maybe I could try it that day but never mentioned it to Brenda.  On my 3rd set I did 8 reps at 255# and she was like, go for 300# next set.  At first I wasn't sure I wanted to baby step up but she was ready to see me go for three after the lifts I just did and with her support I went for it.

You guys, I was shocked just SHOCKED at how easy it was to get the weight up so I went for more reps and got THREE!!!!  I was fucking PUMPED!!!  I mean you can probably tell from the video with that silly smile on my face as I did those reps.  I felt STRONG.  I felt CAPABLE.  I felt so fucking PROUD of myself!!!  To achieve this goal of mine at the end of a year where so much in my life has changed and I have felt so much loss, it just reminded me that I GOT THIS.

Now to move on to competition prep which will be so different than any before and I am more than ready.  Kyle will help me achieve my best physique to date with his guidance and I am so excited for that!

2020 has felt like so much loss but through my self care with amazing guidance I am realizing it has been a year of moving forward, life has big things planned for me and the Universe needed to shake things up so I could see that.  I'm telling you, I SEE IT and I will not hold myself back from great things I know I will accomplish.