Last year I had a goal of trap bar deadlifting 300#, I pulled #295 and never got 300#. It was at the end of the year, my body was angry with me and I was ignoring the major issues I was having because quite honestly I was too damn stubborn to admit I needed serious help. In my mind things would ease up for a day so that meant I was getting better.
I was never getting any better and everyone around me, especially Kyle, was wanting so badly for me to get the help and procedures I needed but I didn't listen to anyone. Sometimes we don't know why we make the choices we do but looking back I do wish I would have listened to those who loved me so much at the time. Instead I pushed my body far beyond it's limits, I was living life extremely anemic, constantly losing blood and in so much pain but I told myself I could tough through it.
Thankfully I came to my senses, a little too late as COVID caused delays in my hysterectomy and I found myself in some scary situations. After healing my body and then working on healing my mind and my heart I reset my goal of 300#.
There were changes in training after our gym closed and Kyle and I separated. I needed my space and I know he did too so I wasn't training with him. I still got workouts from him but trained on my own or with my bad ass friend Brenda. Thinking of trying that PR lift without him was hard for me sometimes and I just didn't bring myself to try it.
Then one day Brenda and I had a heavy leg day a couple of weeks ago. In my head I thought maybe I could try it that day but never mentioned it to Brenda. On my 3rd set I did 8 reps at 255# and she was like, go for 300# next set. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to baby step up but she was ready to see me go for three after the lifts I just did and with her support I went for it.
You guys, I was shocked just SHOCKED at how easy it was to get the weight up so I went for more reps and got THREE!!!! I was fucking PUMPED!!! I mean you can probably tell from the video with that silly smile on my face as I did those reps. I felt STRONG. I felt CAPABLE. I felt so fucking PROUD of myself!!! To achieve this goal of mine at the end of a year where so much in my life has changed and I have felt so much loss, it just reminded me that I GOT THIS.
Now to move on to competition prep which will be so different than any before and I am more than ready. Kyle will help me achieve my best physique to date with his guidance and I am so excited for that!
2020 has felt like so much loss but through my self care with amazing guidance I am realizing it has been a year of moving forward, life has big things planned for me and the Universe needed to shake things up so I could see that. I'm telling you, I SEE IT and I will not hold myself back from great things I know I will accomplish.
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