Sunday, December 20, 2020

Beauty in Muscles

My journey back to the stage has begun again.  I am so excited to be on this path and feel more ready than ever before.  This year after my hysterectomy my body has truly found it's happy place.  A place where my calories are nice and high.  I have been enjoying food, hit many PR's in the gym, stayed at a consistent weight for months while also leaning out.  I have never been in this place physically and I truly feel so amazing in my own skin.

Proof of that is in these pictures.  The one on the left is week 1 of my prep in 2018, the picture on the right is week 1 of my current prep.


The woman on the left was excited but also in a lot of pain and honestly quite lost.  I pushed through that prep and had an outcome I never could have imagined.  It was a wonderful competition and provided me a long moment of feeling extremely proud and somewhat confident.  Following that prep my pain and symptoms worsened and I feel I went down this dark path losing myself even my love for myself.  Sometimes allowing yourself to go to a dark place is the easy way out and it affected not only me but also those I love the most.  

As we know I came out of that dark place, rather I was pulled out and was forced to face myself as my life was seemingly crumbling around me.  I knew my focus had to become on myself, even though that felt selfish, I knew it and so did those closest to me.  Harsh realities came to light and with that massive changes, but changes that were certainly needed in order to flourish and truly find ME again.


The timing of my prep is perfect, it is going to give me something to focus on that I have a good amount of control over.  Honestly I need that so much right now.  Life has felt a bit out of control and the changes have been a major adjustment.  I do feel myself healing in a way but there are still really hard days.  Doing what I love so much with weight training, especially with an amazing friend to train with sometimes, brings me so much positivity and joy.  The natural endorphins from the workouts always help to get me out of funk.

This prep is starting 22 weeks out so it can be a slow process with opportunities to reverse up a bit as I go along.  Kyle has an awesome plan set out for me and I am so damn excited to see what I achieve with his guidance.  He truly is an incredible coach with so much proven success from bodybuilding competitors to Crossfit competitors, Spartan races and more. 

I will be sharing weekly about my journey back to the stage, just a warning you will get full honesty from me.  Nothing will be sugar coated, I will praise the good days and be open about the brutally difficult days.  Sharing everything from food prep, progress photos, videos and the major difference of going through prep with Kyle as my trainer and friend rather than my husband.

For sure it will be a much different experience for him not being in the same house through my prep, he's getting off easy 😂  This process truly does affect everyone around you as you go through so much mentally, there are some really tough days.  I'm blessed to still be able to count on him in a different way and know I have his full support no matter what.  Ending a marriage is difficult but ending it with goals of true support and friendship certainly makes a massive difference.


So you might be wondering what changed for my first week?  Did my calories get dropped big time?  Do I not get to eat carbs?  Do I have to do crazy amounts of cardio?

The answer to all of those questions is NO!!!!

My calories stayed the same and I lost a pound.  I am currently at 2450 calories a day and that's a good thing because this girl likes to EAT!!!  My macros got changed up to high protein and carbs with low fat.  I will be thoroughly enjoying my carbs while I have them, bring on the Sour Patch Kids!!!  Some cardio has been added in but it is minimal, just a few short HIIT sessions and some LISS/MISS spread throughout the week.

I have done well with being consistent with my caloric intake and focused for the past year on increasing them, this is so important to help make the experience a bit easier.  You have more room to play with calories and there will be no need to be crazy low even the last few weeks.  Every time I have competed we learn different things about how my body reacts to the process and what works best for me.  This is not a sport of quick fixes and fast results, it requires so much patience and trusting in the process.  I have not always been patient with the process and it feels amazing to actually feel a bit relaxed for this prep.

So I hope you enjoy following me on my journey and seeing the amazing changes that occur.  Life has been challenging me so much lately but I am more than ready for this exciting journey and seeing the best ME yet!

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

300# CLUB - Hell Yeah!!!!

 Last year I had a goal of trap bar deadlifting 300#, I pulled #295 and never got 300#.  It was at the end of the year, my body was angry with me and I was ignoring the major issues I was having because quite honestly I was too damn stubborn to admit I needed serious help.  In my mind things would ease up for a day so that meant I was getting better.  

I was never getting any better and everyone around me, especially Kyle, was wanting so badly for me to get the help and procedures I needed but I didn't listen to anyone.  Sometimes we don't know why we make the choices we do but looking back I do wish I would have listened to those who loved me so much at the time.  Instead I pushed my body far beyond it's limits, I was living life extremely anemic, constantly losing blood and in so much pain but I told myself I could tough through it.

Thankfully I came to my senses, a little too late as COVID caused delays in my hysterectomy and I found myself in some scary situations.  After healing my body and then working on healing my mind and my heart I reset my goal of 300#.

There were changes in training after our gym closed and Kyle and I separated.  I needed my space and I know he did too so I wasn't training with him.  I still got workouts from him but trained on my own or with my bad ass friend Brenda.  Thinking of trying that PR lift without him was hard for me sometimes and I just didn't bring myself to try it.

Then one day Brenda and I had a heavy leg day a couple of weeks ago.  In my head I thought maybe I could try it that day but never mentioned it to Brenda.  On my 3rd set I did 8 reps at 255# and she was like, go for 300# next set.  At first I wasn't sure I wanted to baby step up but she was ready to see me go for three after the lifts I just did and with her support I went for it.


You guys, I was shocked just SHOCKED at how easy it was to get the weight up so I went for more reps and got THREE!!!!  I was fucking PUMPED!!!  I mean you can probably tell from the video with that silly smile on my face as I did those reps.  I felt STRONG.  I felt CAPABLE.  I felt so fucking PROUD of myself!!!  To achieve this goal of mine at the end of a year where so much in my life has changed and I have felt so much loss, it just reminded me that I GOT THIS.

Now to move on to competition prep which will be so different than any before and I am more than ready.  Kyle will help me achieve my best physique to date with his guidance and I am so excited for that!

2020 has felt like so much loss but through my self care with amazing guidance I am realizing it has been a year of moving forward, life has big things planned for me and the Universe needed to shake things up so I could see that.  I'm telling you, I SEE IT and I will not hold myself back from great things I know I will accomplish.

Thursday, November 19, 2020

Life Changes - Starting "Anew"

 


It has been a while since I have shared on my blog and as my journey in life is changing in so many ways this seems like the right time to start sharing again.  I have some big goals ahead of me that I am very excited to CRUSH as I work to get back on stage next spring.

The road to the stage will be very different this time.  This year has been incredibly difficult in so many ways from the affects of COVID to a major storm that hit Iowa, a land hurricane called a DERECHO and realizing that sometimes the best way to move forward in life is to allow some things to come to an end.

For Kyle and I the affects COVID had on our gym from having to close for a month to Kyle not being able to do much for sales and having a really hard time getting people into our physical location it was just devastating.  His health has continued to be a major challenge for him and he continues to try to find answers.  Most days he was unable to do much and leading classes was difficult for him.  We did have some wonderful new trainers and one of our coaches really stepped up her game to help Kyle every day with all of the gym business from teaching classes to writing workouts and just learning from Kyle.  I have to give a shoutout and thank you to Keegan, we wouldn't have made it as far as we did without her.  I also have to give a shoutout to Stephanie for all she has done for us.  They both made a world of difference and have had such a positive impact.

With heavy hearts we had to close our physical location at the end of September.  It was a decision neither of us wanted to make but we could not survive, it was heartbreaking and very sudden.  The last week of classes was so emotional, I was incredibly blessed to have had the experience I did there from leaving my comfort zone and actually teaching classes to writing kickboxing classes.  Kickboxing was my absolute favorite and I came to love teaching it so, so much.  I miss my people, I miss the group fitness, I miss what was but I know things happen for a reason.

During this time Kyle and I had our own personal struggles happening that we tried so hard to work through together.  Marriage is incredibly difficult and sometimes two people who love each other realize that even though there is so much love there, it isn't enough.  We made the decision to separate and came to the decision amicably.  Our marriage may be ending but our family, relationship and friendship are not.  We will remain a united front, doing everything that is best for our Bella, supporting one another on our new paths in life.

I will not lie and say everything has been sunshine and rainbows, far from it.  What led us to this decision was a lot of heartache but also understanding, it is by far the most difficult experience of my life and will be for a long time.  This is the most difficult change to go through and some days I physically hurt.  Then some days I feel a happiness within myself that hasn't been there for a very long time.  I am working very hard on myself and I am a huge advocate for mental health, I have an amazing therapist who is helping to guide me through all of this.  I wish everyone could have a therapist because it is so important to work through the obstacles in your life and truly find who you are.


Kyle and I have respect and love for one another that will forever be with us and I am grateful for that.  I am continuing as a coach for G5 and he is coaching me for my next figure competition in 2021.  He is the best at what he does and with his guidance I will bring the best ME to that stage and he will be supporting me all the way there.  

My workouts have changed just a bit as I am back to training at a large fitness center.  It's been so long since I've worked out in a place like this, I love it because there is such an insane amount of equipment to work with.  I'm not gonna lie, I was slightly scared to go the first time I went by myself and stepped into the free weight area.  But I grabbed my weights, caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and remembered I am one badass chick that knows her way around the weight room and can lift some serious weight.

It is also really nice to have equipment at home in my garage so I can train at home too when I want.  My friend and fellow competitor Brenda also has an awesome gym in her home so we train there or at the gym we go to.  I love having her with me on this journey, she kicked ass in her first figure competition with so many challenges including extending her cut because her competition kept getting rescheduled.  She is an amazing woman who inspires me so much!!


It feels good that I can say I am currently at the best place physically I have ever been in my entire life.  All the years I spent striving to do things a certain way when all it took was just finally becoming comfortable with the process, doing what I enjoy and trusting the process.  I am eating more than I ever have before, having killer workouts and truly feel happy in this body of mine.  This place I am in has set me up for a great experience with my next cut.  There isn't quite as much body fat to cut down and I know Kyle is going to have me the leanest I have ever been on stage.  I am more than ready for my journey in competing and will continue to share it here.


As I navigate through life's huge changes I know there will be many peaks and valleys.  The valleys have proven tough to get through but I am surrounded by so much support and they help me make my way back up to the valley.  I am trusting in my journey and the path I am on and will try to be ready for the bumps along the way.  I got this.

Monday, April 27, 2020

Two Weeks Post Surgery

I am officially two weeks post surgery and I have to say that the time has flown by.  Simply resting was king of hard, my mind would think of all the little things I could be doing around the house but I have gotten a LOT of rest.  I am grateful for Kyle and Bella with all of their help during my recovery.

In this time I also had my 39th birthday, what a strange birthday this year but I did enjoy spending it with Kyle and Bella (when she surfaced ;)).  It was a quite celebration of watching movies, playing some games and I found myself some new running shoes for my birthday present thanks to Reebok having a nice online sale.  Kyle and Bella made me my favorite cake, white cake with chocolate frosting, and we thoroughly enjoyed devouring that.


As I have gone through recovery it has been pretty smooth sailing.  To go from bleeding constantly day after day with major cramping to absolutely nothing has been INCREDIBLE!!!  I have had some minor cramping but nothing like what I was used to and my incisions have all healed nicely.  I have just three small incision spots and one is literally inside my belly button so you can't even see it.  The area right above my belly button is tender to the touch, it is also where I have scar tissue from a belly button piercing which I imagine they would have had to cut through.

I have noticed a huge change in my energy and having a lot of symptoms I had before with the low hemoglobin that are now gone such as:
  • Restless legs
  • Elevated heart rate
  • Cold hands and feet
  • Light headed
  • Fainting spells
  • Pale skin
  • Easily short of breath
To no longer feel any of those symptoms has been literally freeing!  I associated  so many of them with POTS, some could still occur due to that condition but now I know I was experiencing them mostly due to being anemic.

Easing into working out has been going well.  I started with short walks inside the house the first week and this second week I was okay to start some low intensity cardio.  I have started LISS/MISS (low intensity steady state or medium intensity steady state) cardio on the airdyne we have and also still walking.  It has felt really good to move some and feel the benefits of the simple cardio.  I've never been a huge fan of cardio but LISS/MISS is such an awesome tool to use when you are limited in what you can do for exercise.

Today was my post surgery check up and it went so well!  I have had such a great recovery in just two weeks.  My incisions look great, everything is healing quickly and I was cleared to start light lifting and back to normal in just two more weeks instead of four.  The best news was my hemoglobin level, it is up to 11.8, nearly back to normal!  My doctor is so incredible and thoughtful, she was thrilled with my incision in my belly button.  She tried to make it as small as possible so I wouldn't have a noticeable scar for competitions, I never would have expected her to think of that.


I am grateful to be at this point in my journey and am looking ahead with excited anticipation to future goals.  To actually feel GOOD is incredible and to know I am finally healthy I am more than ready to start crushing goals!  

My mind has played some tricks and at times I feel like I have lost a lot of muscle but I am grateful that Kyle is right here for me to talk to and remind me of simple science :)  My muscles are there and they will be pumped back up in no time, muscle memory is a wonderful thing and my body hasn't forgotten all the years of work put in for the muscle I have built.

Now to get through the craziness that is currently life and finding a new normal.  I am anxious for our gym to be open again and am ready to see our amazing fit family and teach some kickboxing!!!

Sunday, April 12, 2020

My Hysterectomy

What a whirlwind life has been these past few weeks.  We are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and it has thrown everyone for quite a loop.  So much of our daily lives have been altered from closures of schools and businesses to being cautious of every time we need to leave our homes.

Along with these changes non essential surgeries have all been cancelled, that included my hysterectomy which was scheduled for April 2nd.  At first I was of course frustrated but I fully understood why it was cancelled but I knew deep down that this would be detrimental for me.

A couple of weeks ago I had a pretty bad Sunday night passing a lot of extremely large clots and my blood had become watery.  The following Monday I had an appointment with my OBGYN and she decided to put me on Progesterone to stop my period.  It was never an option before due to my high risk for breast cancer but at this point we both agreed that being on it short term would outweigh the negatives and the bleeding had to be stopped.

Over the next couple of days everything got worse.  I was changing tampons and pads every 20-30 minutes and passing so many clots.  Wednesday night I actually fainted and was unable to move around much.  Thursday I called my OBGYN again and was advised to go to the ER, the last place I wanted to go.

I knew Kyle would only be able to drop me off and I was legit terrified.  The hospital was taking temperatures before anyone could go inside and they were so kind.  I was admitted into the ER and my hemoglobin had dropped down to 6.7, on Monday is was 9.2 so that just meant I really had lost a lot of blood in those few days.  The normal hemoglobin level for women is 12-16 and I have been below that for quite a while just never as low as it had gotten.



I honestly cannot say enough about how amazing the nurses, techs, doctors and hospital staff were while I was there.  They made me feel almost at home, I get emotional just thinking about it.  They were angels on earth to me and kept me informed every step and made sure I knew all of my options and even helped guide me if I was uncertain of any of the options.

They admitted me and Thursday night I had my first blood transfusion.  My nurse stayed with me the first 15 minutes so I could let her know if I had any reactions at all, thankfully I had none.  It took about 3.5 hours, so crazy to see that blood going into my IV.  I was just so grateful to whomever that blood came from.  Thank you a million times over to every person out there who donates blood.  Never would I have thought I would be in the position of needing a blood transfusion, especially from my period.

Before I went to the ER I truly had it in my head that I could not bleed out from my period.  No matter how loudly my body was telling me something was very wrong I just didn't think it was possible.  In my mind I was overreacting and not being strong enough to get through it.  Being told by multiple doctors and nurses that I could have very well bled out was eye opening.  It's not that I was weak or not being strong enough, it was that I was being stubborn and not listening to my own body screaming for help.

Friday morning they tested my hemoglobin and it had only improved by .1 and I was so disappointed.  That day I had a second blood transfusion, once again my nurse sat with me for the first 15 minutes to make sure everything went ok and it did.  Thankfully after the second transfusion my hemoglobin jumped up to 9.2, back to a more "normal" number for me but still well below where it should be.

Throughout my stay I was also receiving high doses of Estrogen and iron through my IV.  The doses of Estrogen freaked me out, it is the one hormone I was to stay away from.  My little sister's breast cancer at the age of 23 was estrogen based and I had been taken off any form of birth control when we found that out.  To have to pick a lesser of two evils was tough but I understood that it was truly a life saving measure at this point.  

My OBGYN doctor was not at the hospital while I was there so I saw one of her colleagues and she was incredible.  We discussed my plan for leaving the hospital and that really was to get the bleeding stopped, bed rest and my doctor petitioning the hospital to approve my surgery as she viewed it life saving rather than non-essential.  I was prescribed high doses of Norethin (a birth control), tapering over a period of 12 days with the main concern being as I taper it that the bleeding will start again. 

She also explained to me why they did not want to do the surgery while I was already in the hospital.  With my hemoglobin being so low surgery was dangerous, my immune system is compromised and my recovery would be longer and much more painful.  The risk of COVID-19 is high and at this time I would become extremely ill if I were to get it.

What a scary time we are in right now.

The following Tuesday my OBGYN called and let me know that they were going to schedule my surgery for Thursday, I was so surprised!  It was such a relief to know everything would finally be taken care of.  The scheduled it for 7:30am and Kyle was able to be there with me, it was a huge relief to know I was able to have him with me.



I started bleeding again Wednesday night despite all of the birth control and passed some clots Thursday morning.  My body was more than ready for the surgery.

My doctor was able to do a laparoscopy procedure so I just have three little incisions across my lower abdomen.  My ovaries looked good so they were able to leave those and removed my uterus and fallopian tubes.  A normal uterus weighs 60g - 100g and mine was just over 500g, the largest fibroid was 8.3cm.  I can't imagine how differently I am going to feel once I get through the recovery process.

The hospital staff was once again amazing, they took the best care of me.  I always had what I needed and never felt lonely.  My hemoglobin had dropped back down to 7.8 after the surgery so my energy was extra zapped once again.  My hemoglobin will build back up as I continue to take my iron supplements and get plenty of rest during my recovery.



My recovery will be 6-8 weeks with no driving the first week and minimal activity besides some walking, I can't lift anything more than 10 pounds.  Feeling so tired certainly helps me rest and walking just a little bit zaps my energy.  My tummy is a little swollen which is normal and my incisions look really good.  I do continue to have cramping and am very much looking forward to when I no longer have to deal with that!

My emotions are all over the place, which I expected.  Being on so many hormones and going to nothing was bound to mess with me a bit.  Now is the time to really follow my own advice and meditate daily.  Find my focus again and my ability to calm my emotions and find that happy place in the way I know how.  

Being away from the gym and training has been so hard for me.  We are closed due to COVID-19 but still doing live workouts once a day for our members and spending that time with Kyle is one of my favorite things.  I love the fun stuff he comes up with and sharing his ideas with everyone during this difficult time.  

I won't be able to really lift for six weeks and I will listen to my doctors.  My body will recover properly and I will bounce back stronger than before I just need to find my patience and be grateful that I will heal and be better.  Thank you to everyone for your prayers and positive thoughts, it has meant the world to me.




Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Your Biggest Support Is......YOU


Read that again.....

Believe in it.  I love this acronym so much and believe in it 100%.  Does it sound selfish?  I'm sure to some people it does and I may have believed it was selfish at one point in my life.  But these words are so true, if you don't love yourself it is impossible to love others, if you don't take care of yourself it is impossible to take care of others.  Fill your cup so full that it overflows with plenty to give.

This journey in life has certainly been testing me in so many ways.  Sometimes it takes someone you love to remind you of who you really are and that you need to find yourself again.



Deep down I have felt angry, not necessarily at myself but at my body.  My emotions have been all over the place and so hard to control.  I know a lot of that has to do with my hormones being completely out of whack.  My energy is low, workouts have been really tough and it just frustrates me because I can't fix it myself.

Realizing how I have been feeling about myself and knowing it affects how I have been with those I love has been hard.  At one point in my life I was doing really well with meditation and even got into tarot reading.  I let myself stop practicing those things without realizing how much of an impact it had on me.

A couple of weeks ago I started implementing daily meditation, even if I can only fit in five minutes a day.  I also began journaling and reconnecting with the Universe in my own way.  The changes I have felt by allowing myself the time needed to do this every day is amazing.  I know I will be a work in progress every day for the rest of my life and I am fine with that.  Giving myself the love to truly reconnect and see who I have come to be at this point in life has been the best thing I could do for myself and my family and all those I love.

There are still rough moments and I know there always will be.  Getting through training sessions recently has been rough.  My body just tires out faster, especially when I try to do heavier lifting days.  The dizzy spells come frequently and we have found that I really need to be careful with up and down movement right now.

March 9th cannot get here soon enough.  I am more than ready to get surgery scheduled and say "bye-bye" to my damn uterus!  It gave me the most precious gift in the world, our sweet Bella, but man has it turned on me.


If you find yourself struggling with self care, start off slow with even just 2-5 minutes a day.  Do whatever works for YOU.  There is no right or wrong way to take care of yourself.  

I used to think I had to meditate a certain way but learned that meditation is a very personal experience and there is no "wrong" way to do it.  You do YOU.  Start off with guided meditations like this one:

There are also a couple of podcasts that I listen to and they have really resonated with me in so many ways.


Bruce Van Horn is brilliant and I love the sound of his voice.  I am to really be at ease when I listen to any of his podcasts.  He has great advice for all areas of life and I highly recommend giving him a listen.


Trish Blackwell is the bomb!  I love her authentic enthusiasm and her direct approach.  Some of her podcasts are faith based and if that's not your thing give the other episodes a listen. She gives awesome advice and has so many great tips for all areas of life, she will help you to believe in yourself and forget the loud outside noise.

I believe I was meant to find myself in this place before my surgery.  Before a big part of me is removed and my hormones get a bit more wacky I will have better tools to help me get through it.  I am thankful for all of the support around me but also I am grateful that I am able to truly believe in and support myself.

Now go be the best YOU that you can be!

Monday, February 3, 2020

The Mental Game


The mental game can be incredibly tough, having an outlet is so important.  You need people in your tribe who you can fully trust and that you are completely comfortable sharing with.  We are all our own worst critics, especially when we are faced with unexpected challenges.  It takes time to train your mind to be positive, to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  I will forever be a work in progress and definitely stumble at times.  I am so grateful for those in my tribe who listen without judgement and offer simple love and support.

It was one week ago when I made the decision to postpone competing.  The first couple of days it really didn't seem real.  But then I had one day where everything just kind of slammed into me and I wasn't prepared.  It was a tough day due to a combination of things and I just needed to let out my frustration.

Currently I am reversing back up in my calories with the guidance of Chris with GPS Coaching.  Our goal is to have me back up to my caloric intake I was at before I started the cut, which is 2800 calories.

My caloric intake was 1859 on low days and 1998 on high days.  Because I had such a big cut to my maintenance calories Chris had me make a good jump in calories.  I am now at 2405 on low days and 2590 on high days.  I am one that can always eat more food thankfully because it really put me back up there in calories!






This is definitely something that mentally could mess with someone.  I spent 14 weeks cutting and focusing on seeing the scale go down.  This is just part of the sport of bodybuilding and if it something you choose to do you must mentally prepare yourself for this process.  I saw continual progress so to stop that and go the reverse direction was momentarily tough for me.  Of course I completely understand the need to reverse my calories back up and I plan to maintain where I currently am on the scale.  I gained not a even a full pound back after the increase in my calories over a week and a half.  I was very happy with that and plan to keep cardio in my plan while eating more food.  My calories definitely need to be where they were before so that when I do compete again the cutting process will be that much better.

My body continues to remind me that I have made the right choice for myself.  Saturday night Kyle and I went to workout and I did deadlifts and squats.  I pulled 275# easily but still couldn't get 300# dang it!!!!  I did go all out to see what I can back squat and was able to do 170# for three reps pretty easily.  After that I was DONE.  Cramps were kicking in big time and my uterus was SWOLLEN.  When I started the workout I did not have a protruding stomach, afterwards this is what my tummy looked like....




These photos don't do it justice, I was so swollen and it was rock hard to the touch.  This happens a few times a month with heavier leg days when I am really engaging my core.  I always engage my core while exercising but those heavier leg days cause me to focus on that even more.  It takes a few days for the swelling to go down and it SUCKS.  My jeans I always wear won't button and I just feel miserable.

This seems to happen when my cycle is at the beginning.  My cycle would usually start around the 26th-28th of each month and my worst days are those first 10.  Now I haven't had a break in my cycle for the last 49 days but this is around when it would normally be the worst for me.

I know I will get better, I know things will improve I am just ready for that to happen NOW.  Mentally I kind of go to a mean place with myself and I have to be honest about that.  Right now I feel like this body isn't even mine and it is so incredibly frustrating.  Honestly, I wonder what it is going to feel like when I no longer have my uterus and therefore NO PERIOD!

Saturday, January 25, 2020

A Change In My Journey


This quote is one I have always loved although I have to admit that when it happens to affect me so greatly it is slightly irritating.

I am 14 weeks into my cut and have decided to stop the cut and not compete in May so that I can have a hysterectomy.

This decision was incredibly difficult for me but I know it is the right choice for MY health.  This cut has been extra challenging with major issues I am having with my menstrual cycle.  If talking about women's menstrual cycles isn't for you then you may want to stop reading now.



Three years ago my period changed it became very heavy, longer and I had a lot of clots.  I went to my doctor and we discovered that I had fibroids in my uterus, one fairly large.  I got in with an OBGYN who happened to be the doctor who delivered Bella.  I was a couple months out from my competition and we decided an endometrial ablation would be my best option.  It would be limited down time and would hopefully help, if not my last option would be a hysterectomy.  My ovaries would also be removed putting me into menopause.  

Why do the ovaries need to be removed?  I am high risk for ovarian cancer and removing them is my best option.  In July 2007 my little sister Missy found out that she had breast cancer.  It was a complete shock to all of us, she was only 23 years old.  It was so scary and we have a large, close knit family so many of us went to her appointments with her.  The doctors were shocked, she was just too young to have breast cancer.  She is one of many women in my family who have survived breast cancer including my mom, my maternal grandma, many aunts and cousins.  Missy tested negative for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes but that doesn't mean myself or my sisters don't have it.  My family history is what causes me to be high risk for breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

After the ablation it seemed like for a short while my menstrual symptoms eased up slightly.  I went on to compete and it was my best competition yet.  



My goal then became focused on growing my physique and go after my pro card in Figure.  I took a year to build and increased my caloric intake to the highest it had ever been.  My maintenance calories were 2,700!  I was so excited to see the growth I had achieved as I began my cut back in November.

I did have an appointment with my doctor before I began the cut to have my blood checked.  I found out that I was severely anemic, which explained my complete exhaustion in the gym after a simple set of warm ups.  Deep down I knew something was wrong with me, but I had associated all of the symptoms with POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) which I was diagnosed with just last year.  It took me 19 years to get properly diagnosed with POTS and it was a relief but anytime I felt "off" I just excused it with that.

My doctor advised me to take an iron supplement and then we would recheck my blood in a month.  She reminded me that the next step to relief would be a hysterectomy.  It was 100% my choice to move forward with the cut.  My energy came back after taking the supplements and my iron levels vastly improved.

The problem was that my period was getting worse.  I had hoped that maybe it would improve as I went through my cut, man was I wrong.  My period would last at first about 18 days, then 23, then 26 and now I am currently on day 38.  It doesn't lighten up, the cramping is so intense I had to be prescribed medication to help me get through it and would typically not be able to go to work the first 3 days when it started again.  Thankfully I work for a truly incredible employer who is nothing but supportive and allowed for that type of rest, my incredible co-worker is an angel putting up with those crappy days I have.

One of that hardest things has been knowing how much it was hurting those closest to me who knew what I was dealing with and have had to watch me on my worst days.  Kyle is the most incredible husband and he knew as each week passed that the cut was getting harder for me.  Yet he never once told me he wanted me to change my plans, he supported me.  Bella started making comments to me that a period shouldn't last so long and we talked so she knew there was a cause for why they were so bad.  My mom and dad (I told you we are an extremely close family) support me always and they just want me to be healthy again.



In my head I continued to tell myself that I could push through.  I was halfway through my cut and seeing progress.  Even if a lot of days I was bloated I could see the progress in other areas and I was thrilled with the growth I had achieved.  But still I had moments questioning if I was making the right choice but I am STUBBORN.

This past week I experienced the worst amount of bleeding and largest clots yet.  A clot larger than my hand caused me to feel very faint after I passed it and it terrified me.  I broke down because I knew what I had to do.  Kyle didn't want me to make a rash decision which honestly kind of surprised me.  But I know he 100% understands how stubborn I am and how hard it was to admit that I truly was not ok and would not be able to continue with the cut.  My nutrition coach Chris gave me a great piece of advice, health before hobby.  She is so supportive of my decision and is going to guide me through a reverse to get my calories back up, just because she is amazing, kind and so giving.

This picture is one I stitched together last week.  The photo on the left is 16 weeks out from my 2018 competition and the photo on the right is from last week, 16 weeks out from the competition in May.



I was thrilled to see such growth and change.  Ironic I cut down just enough to really start seeing what was built after a year of consistent higher calories and lifting heavy shit!

With this speed bump in my journey I just want to share my experience throughout the crazy changes that are to come.  Speed bumps are bound to hit you at some point in your journey and you have to find a way to navigate over them and adjust your plan.  This is something I share with our members often and know that I need to take my own advice.

Although I wasn't anticipating this right now I do know that afterwards I am going to feel so much better.  I will be able to train without constant cramps and my body won't be losing a crazy amount of blood and my crazy purchases of tampons and pads will stop.  I look forward to feeling GOOD to feel more like ME again.  Although the menopause adventure might be interesting I would much rather deal with that!

My consultation with my OBGYN isn't until March 9th but I plan to get on her list in case she has any cancellations.  There is only one doctor that I want to do this and I will wait for her.  I will continue training as I have been up until surgery and we will see how everything goes.  I will compete again but only my body will let me know when the time is right.

For now be ready to read about lifting heavy things, nutrition changes for me and all about hysterectomies and menopause!