Thursday, October 31, 2013

Will I Ever Get Better???

So overly dramatic I know, but seriously I feel like I am never going to get better!  I am feeling better than I did, but energy is way down and I just feel so off.

Last night was legs, I felt so good when I got to the gym and was ready to just kill my legs!  Did my warm up, then we began the workout.  I felt great on my leg curls and seated calf raises, then came front squats and split jumps.

Probably could have done something easier than split jumps, I dropped the weight on my front squats because I was starting to feel not the best.  On my last set of squats I squatted down and had a hard time getting back up because I was about to faint.....WTF?!?

David could see that I was not in good shape at that point, I just sat down and he was trying to fan me, I was sweating so bad, no joke like I was in a shower or something.

Thankfully it passed, I didn't have an insanely embarrassing moment of fainting at the gym.  After that we just did some glute bridges and I called it a night.

I felt like it was a waste, I was so frustrated with my body.  I don't know why I felt that way, clearly it has to be from me still being sick and yes I do partly blame it on the bad food I had been eating, takes time for that shit to get out of your system.

When I got home I made some super yummy black bean burgers, check out the recipe.  Pretty dang easy and delicious, I made some carrot fries and enjoyed my dinner.  I didn't eat anything after that, I had a moment of wanting something sweet, that passed as I thought about what we had in the house that was sweet, nothing good that I needed to put in my body.

I'll be taking the next couple of days off, I'm crazy busy but plan on getting a good workout in on Sunday.  Maybe three days off will have me feeling better :)

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Back At It!

I'm still not feeling 100%, frustrated I really wanted to be running outside this week before it gets too cold but that's a no go according to Kyle :(  I understand, it just feels like it is taking forever for me to get better!

Last night was arms and shoulders, I got to pick some of my favorite exercises and just focused on doing 12-15 reps.  Next week when I AM feeling better I will start lifting heavy and trying to grow these muscles of mine!

I was tired last night, I could tell I've been sick and that I haven't been eating the best.  Amazing how much better your muscles respond when you are eating the proper amount of protein and drinking enough water.  I am back on track though, will be purchasing one of the Fighter Diet books this weekend and will start using that for my nutrition planning.

I woke up with very sore arms this morning and it felt soooooooooo good!!!  I feel like I've lost a little bit of strength over the past two weeks, but my muscles are still here, I've got veins popping out and have 28 weeks to work my ass off like I never have before.  I was so happy to see the veins in my arms and of all things, my legs were looking amazing.  How funny, the body part I was most frustrated with for the competition is the one looking the best and like it's ready to grow and get cut!

So, so happy to be lifting again, planning on enjoying choosing my favorite exercises this week before the really heavy lifting begins next week!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Flex Friday!

This flex Friday group photo was a fun one, we each got to pick our own pose but it had to be one while lifting :)

I've been under the weather, I went to the doctor on Tuesday and found out that I had a really, really bad case of strep throat AND sinus infection.  At least there was a good reason I was feeling so awful!

I have to say I about crapped my pants when I stepped on the scale, I did have on my coat, clothes and shoes but still, holy crap!  My doctor assured me that she was not concerned in any way, my clothes still fit the same, she thinks I look really thin, it's just a number and one I should ignore (to an extent) with all the weight lifting, muscle does weigh more than fat :)

She gave me some meds and I am still on the mend.  She feels, as I do, that my body got pretty worn down from the final week of competition prep, the weather changes and I just got hit hard.

No working out until Monday, need to let my body rest and recover.  Although tomorrow night I will be going to The Rocky Horror show, I can't wait!  My little sister Mindy is in it as one of the phantoms, it is going to be a great night.  Planning on carving pumpkins tonight with Bella, eating some soup for dinner, getting to bed early and resting tomorrow before getting all dressed up for a fun night :)

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Bingeing, Planning

So this week I was told to take it easy, don't stress about food, enjoy eating pretty much what I want and be ready to get some groceries this weekend, food prep on Sunday and get back on track next week.

Oy, I've been eating like I was starved for days.  I've been pretty good during the day actually, oatmeal with protein in the morning, an apple and some peanut butter for morning snack, a bad lunch, a good afternoon snack and not the worst food for dinner.  My lunches have been bad though, I still love my naughty fast food and have had it for lunch this week.  I've really enjoyed it, super yummy stuff, I am looking forward to getting back on track though and having that stuff every once in a while.  

I can't decide if me going crazy with food this week has really been bad or good, kind of both I think.  Good in the sense that I'm actually craving my chicken, fish and veggies and that if I see another mini candy bar I may vomit.  Bad in the sense of weight gain, I know a lot of what I gained back is water weight, but amazing how quickly that severe definition of your muscles can go away.  I'm not sad or upset about it though, I figured this is how I would be the week after the competition and thankfully I really mentally prepared myself for it.  Knowing it won't take more than a week or two to feel really back on track once I start eating better six days a week, having one cheat day and am working out like I should be with added cardio days, I'll bounce back quickly :)

I've decided I'm going to try the newly popular Fighter Diet craze, they have a competition prep book loaded with stuff about nutrition, posing, lots of stuff and it isn't badly priced.  My nutrition is the main thing I want some "help" with, not that I was bad with it, just wanting some more ideas and it includes different peak week plans.  I know that I will not be one that should cut sodium out and shouldn't cut my water so drastically.  In a sense I feel kind of lucky, to have this wacky body I have, it really needs those things constantly and shows me how pissed it can be by cutting those items out by making me look "softer" ;)

Lots more research to do for myself and Kyle, we'll get it all figured out!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

What I've Learned

What an experience I had over the past nine months, I feel like I learned a lot and am so happy to have that first show completed :)

One big thing is to realize that it takes time, time to build up the muscles, then get cut.  Just because you have part of your body that seems to be your strength, work that out as much as everything else.  We didn't start lifting with my legs right away and we should have, lesson learned!  My legs are my major area to work on for the next competition.

Trust the process, it seems crazy to think that one week of your life you will be in the best shape you could possibly be in.  But it's true, it really isn't a maintainable condition, just know that with the proper training and diet plan, it will happen.

Get enough sleep!  That was one issue I was having in the last month, not being able to sleep, I tried a lot of different things and nothing really worked.  When you sleep your body is recovering and when you are lifting hard and on such a strict diet you really need that sleep to get through the process.

Shaving, definitely get a bikini wax, I will be doing that next time.  It will just make things easier, plan on doing it about a week out and you won't have to worry about shaving at all in that area.  Have a good razor and make sure you go in both directions on your tummy and back area, some areas didn't get shaved well and having to do it again right away sucked.  Don't waste your money on the hair removal creams, I tried it on my arms, it took a while I had to use a lot and in the end shaving was just easier for me.

The tan, Jan Tana was definitely an awesome product to use, very easy, went on evenly, great color.  It was cheaper than the spray tan, I spent about $60 on my tanning product, could have spent less got some more tips and didn't need the kit I got, just the competition color.  The spray tans were $100, so if you have a friend that is willing to help you out with your color, it is cheaper by far but more time consuming.  Paint on all the coats the night before, my skin was too saturated the next morning and it was more difficult to make sure everything was blended well.  I don't think I'd try any other brand of competition color, this one didn't rub off too much either.

Nutrition, do not switch up carbs that final peak week, I did that and think it was part of my issue.  I hadn't been eating any rice and I added that in, also it seemed like when I had sodium in me I looked better.  We'll see what different ideas we come up with to have trial runs during my preparation for May.

Have a good team, this is huge.  With David and Mindy doing my hair and makeup I was totally relaxed, make sure you have a good makeup artist, I can't stress that enough!  I didn't have any need to put the competition color on my face, some competitors that did.....well, when your face is darker than your body, it's just not a good look.  Mindy got mine about a shade or two lighter than my body and I felt so beautiful and got so many compliments on my makeup.

Practice, practice, practice!  I can not stress this enough, PRACTICE your mandatory poses every single day and your t-walk as much as you can.  No matter how comfortable you feel doing it with your coach or best friend turned posing coach, practice it every day so the poses come naturally.

Have fun on your big day, try not to stress too much, your moments on that stage are short.  If you are shaking don't stress, the other competitors are probably shaking too, especially if it is your first competition!  ENJOY your t-walk, strut your stuff, show off and be proud.  I feel like I rushed through mine and hope to slow it down for next time, maybe be mentally present for it and enjoy myself more.

Here are a few photos from the competition that Summer's coach took, my hands are too high on the front pose, need to work on that and focus more on where I'm placing them for the mandatory poses, I was so freaked out I couldn't think of anything but smiling!

I really love this shot, right before I went out for my t-walk.  I was completely in my head and then Applause came on and I felt almost relieved and totally ready :)

Monday, October 14, 2013

I Did It!

I can't believe the weekend is over, I finally achieved one of my biggest dreams, celebrated Bella, it was such an awesome weekend!

Friday night David and I went to McKinley Middle School to get me all registered, there I finally got to meet Summer, she is so, so sweet and I'm blessed to have her as a friend now!  We'll both be competing again in May in Des Moines, yay!  Summer did amazing and won nearly everything, she was phenomenal.

I'm going to be completely honest, I was happy with how I looked but a bit disappointed with how I ended up Saturday, I feel I looked better on Wednesday.  The peak week diet we chose did not do well with my body, I didn't look bad by any means I just wasn't as tight on Saturday as I was on Wednesday.  Thinking adding in higher carbs on Thursday through Saturday is just too much for me.  At least we have 208 days until Des Moines and plenty of time to do trial runs of peak weeks as we continue training.

I'm sure you are all wondering how the tan went, oh man, that was a long and cold process.  Fans on me, David seeing things that can't be unseen, waiting an hour after the first coat before we could do the second coat.  We got started later than we wanted to and at 12:30am after the second coat dried I just wanted to go to bed, we decided to get up at 5am and do a third coat before Mindy did my makeup.

I got no sleep, maybe an hour combined.  My mind was racing, I just couldn't shut if off!  That morning when we were painting the third coat it didn't go as smoothly, it was like it was spreading the first two coats around, but we got through it.  Mindy matched my makeup perfectly, I didn't put any tanner on my face.  David did my hair, thankfully we packed our bags for the day on Friday night, we cut it to the wire and headed to McKinley.

First there was an athletes meeting, Summer and I sat together and listened to how the day would go.  Bodybuilders were first then it was Figure.  It was so nerve racking going to wait backstage, the other competitors were wonderful.  I was surprised to be in the short class, I totally expected to be in the tall class.  The short class was TOUGH, we all looked amazing, it was insane.  When we had to walk out on stage it was like my mind just stopped.  I focused on the judges, my posing of course and smiling.  My mouth was so dry from not having any water, it was so, so hard to smile!  Thankfully in the Beginner round we didn't have to hold the poses too long, it went by quickly and I was shaking like a leaf the entire time.  I was so, so nervous, it was ridiculous!  Thankfully I guess all of us were shaking, I'm hoping that wears off after competing a few times :)

Going on with the Open class was so intimidating, I felt out of place with some of these women.  They were all so amazing, again so, so kind, I felt proud standing by them all.

After pre-judging we headed back to our house, a long wait until finals at 6pm. The day went by fairly quickly and I was eager to get back and have fun at the finals.  First we had to come on stage by two's and pose, then fall back so we were all on stage for the national anthem.  Of course Summer and I went out together, our groups were crazy loud, felt so good :)

Before the Figure t-walks they had a kids pose down, Bella and Lauryn did it, so awesome to be standing back stage and able to give them high fives and wish them luck.  It was so adorable, they had real medals for all the kids :)  When it was time for the t-walk, my nerves kicked in again, I felt confident with it but knowing the judges were out there, my family and friends, so, so scary.  As they read my little note card thanking my family and friends on this journey I kept hoping they would play Applause by Lady Gaga, we didn't get to pick our music for the t-walks so I had no clue what to expect.  I about shit when Applause came on for my walk, when I walked on stage it was like I totally disappeared into myself, I have no other way to describe it.  I only thought of each pose and getting to each X on the stage, I felt like I saw a shaking mess through all of it and was relieved when I got done.  David came backstage and told me I killed it, I told him I was insanely shaky and he said you couldn't tell at all in the crowd.  I was relieved, he was so, so proud of me :)

When it came time for the awards I was nervous, I honestly was just hoping to not get last in Beginner, I didn't think I would place in Open.  I didn't get last in Beginner I got 4th, out of 5 competitors, I was very happy to receive my first figure competition trophy :)  I didn't place in the Open category, not gonna lie, I was a bit upset but I think also it was partly just being done with this process for this competition, it was crazy to know that ok, it's over and time to enjoy the evening with my family and talk to the judges at the after party and get their input.

Kyle knew I was upset about not placing in Open, he was wonderful and of course extremely supportive.  We knew what we needed to work on and will put a lot of hard work in over the next seven months.  It was so awesome to have the giant cookie he had gotten me, it was in the trunk, we got that sucker out and I took a big bite, it was like heaven!!!!

Sadly most of my pictures are from back stage, hoping to get some from other people.  Kyle couldn't bring the camera in for pre-judging, they wouldn't let him although I know other people have photos from that.  Then he forgot it for finals when he could have taken pictures, dang it!

Dinner was good, I enjoyed some mozerella sticks, a beer, a cheeseburger and fries.  I ate it all and ate more cookie later, Laura got me tons of candy some of that was devoured later as well, shockingly I never got an upset tummy!

I talked with the head judge and another judge Dawn, Dawn is a professional bodybuilder that lives here and she is the one that gave me my tanning advice. She is so, so sweet and easy to talk to.  They both said that my stage presence is awesome, posing, t-walk, smiling, beautiful, all I have to do is tighten up.  Dawn advised me over the next seven months to put on more muscle, but keep the same goal weight and really practice some peak weeks to see what will get me leanest.  Gave me advice on this upcoming week when I'll be gaining weight back, go ahead and indulge but not for days on end.  Eat more calories and gain the weight back, you are supposed to gain some weight back.  I've already gained back six pounds, but still have my flat tummy :)

We celebrated Bella's birthday on Sunday, I ate what I wanted and think that I'm kind of tired of this food and actually am looking forward to eating cleaner again.  My body really got used to it, maybe it won't be so hard to make it more of a lifestyle now :)

All in all this was a great experience, I feel more driven than ever to just improve.  I'm looking forward to training over the next seven months and seeing what I can accomplish.  What a whirlwind of a weekend, it was truly amazing!

Thank you to Kyle for training me and always believing in me no matter what.  Thanks to David for believing in me and working constantly with me on my poses and t-walk, my hair, everything!  Thank you Mindy for my beautiful makeup, I felt so gorgeous all day :)  Thanks to everyone for believing in me, I look forward to continuing this journey, learning more and having fun!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

All Shaved

Ok, worst part of competition prep.....shaving your entire body!  

First off don't do this in a shower, run a nice relaxing bath and enjoy yourself, if possible.  Maybe do a practice run sometime beforehand with whoever is helping you. Kyle didn't know how hard to press with the razor, didn't want to cut me on my bones, it was not fun. 

Kyle obviously had to shave my back and my bum for me, I did the rest, so weird shaving your belly and chest, seriously. I know we need someone to come look at out water heater you can barely get two showers in a row before the water gets cold.  I put things off, this was another life lesson for Steph.  Kyle was in the shower right before I needed to shower, he had to go to work, did we plan this well? Um, NO.  So I get about halfway done and the water is getting cold, I shut it off and resort to filling a big cup and rinsing my razor in that warm water and move forward.  It sucked so bad, I get done, get all dried off and thankfully for some reason feel my lower back and can feel the hair there.  Damn peach fuzz hairs, so I yell for Kyle and standing by the sink he shaves my back again with plenty of light this time.

It felt so good to rub lotion all over my poor skin.  Then I think about tomorrow night when we do my tan and I'm going to have multiple fans on me, the air conditioner on because we want it to dry in like 30 minutes and for that to happen I have to have cool air on me the entire time.  Goosebumps = stubble, hopefully it won't be too bad.

Time for bed, hopefully I can actually get some sleep tonight because I know I won't get much tomorrow night!  Still feeling excited though :)

Polygraph DONE!

I was so crazy nervous and had myself all worked up over the dang polygraph!  The guy doing it was super nice and tried to help me relax, haha, wasn't gonna happen.

He actually gave me two questions before hand that he would ask me and I had to lie on my answer, one was, have you ever lied to someone with authority? LOL, had to say no to that for my lie!

I passed with flying colors, this girl has never taken steroids, human growth hormone or prescription diuretics. I met a couple other competitors there, they were heading out for burgers. So. Jealous. With my diet of course no sodium today or tomorrow.

Tonight with my dinner I got to have one cup of brown rice, that is a lot of rice! I felt so full and a bit bloated, hopefully there will be no tummy in the morning!

I got the final supplies for Bella's birthday party, planning on baking tomorrow, might be a little tough but I can do it! :) Tonight at dance I glanced down at my arms and holy veins!!!  More veins now than there were this morning, proving the low water and no sodium are working :)

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Final Workout

I took today, Thursday and Friday off work and I am beyond happy that I did. With the competition Saturday and Bella's birthday party Sunday there is lots to do and I am EXHAUSTED.

Yesterday was no carbs, today was low carbs. I got up and ate my normal breakfast of tilapia and egg whites.  No more egg whites in the carton though because of the sodium.  I cleaned the carpet downstairs, wiped down surfaces with good smelling Mr Clean Gain scented cleaner, had the windows open music blaring, got a lot of cleaning done, at least the most strenuous stuff.  I walked to Bella's school and picked her up, it is nice to be able to walk good, low key cardio over these next three days for me.

Then it was time for the gym with David.  Posing and t-walk practice first then a depletion workout for my arms and abs and finally just 15 minutes on the treadmill with an incline and a good pace.  I was so tired before we even started posing, David was shocked by how much I've changed since Sunday.  He said there is nothing to me but muscle, glad I look this way even now when my muscles are "flat".  Still having some issues doing the mandatory back pose, I really hope when I have more energy that it gets easier.  I can pretty much do the t-walk in my sleep, both directions, and David said today even though I was so tired it was the best yet he can tell my confidence is so much higher and my walking has more attitude to it :)

I was happy to get home and have some tilapia and asparagus for dinner.  I'm down to 135 pounds, we'll see if I lose any more this week, but I'm thinking it will stop as I increase carbs tomorrow and decrease protein.  Tomorrow my water intake goes from 162 oz to 80 oz, I'm looking forward to that only because I shouldn't be having to pee every hour!  I will also cut out sodium, we will see how my body reacts, if I start to feel light headed at all I will allow a little bit of sodium back in.  These next two days are the trickiest for my body since I don't retain fluids well and I process everything so quickly, I think that is one reason I've leaned out so much, well because of the diet too, but I truly feel just the way my body is it has helped me lean out like crazy in three days.

There is still a lot to think about, I look forward to sharing about my polygraph experience tomorrow, David painting me Friday.  Good thing we are so close, I will be buck naked with him putting Jan Tana tanner on me for about two hours Friday night!

It is 7:30 and I am going to bed, looking forward to 12 hours of sleep tonight to help recharge my body!

Been bad about taking photos but here we go, basically just two days out :)

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

4 Days - No Carb Day

Here we are just four days away, eeeck!!!!!!!!  I am down another pound, I am at 136 right now, pretty sure I will be below my goal weight, I'm hoping to do body fat tonight, I'm really curious to know where I'm at.

Today is the dreaded "no carb" day, can't believe I'm going to do it tomorrow too, but I can get through it!  I will say my energy level is extremely low and I'm not gonna lie I'm very, very hungry.  Ignoring my growling tummy and the food at home is the toughest thing ever.  Just a reminder, this is by no means something to try to maintain I do this for this week only, and I will try to slowly gain back some weight and body fat, hopefully keep my maintenance around 16% body fat, especially since I plan on continuing competing.

I'm not like some other competitors either who swear off bad food forever, I love me some cheeseburgers, french fries, anything fried really and sweets, I will never completely give it up because I wouldn't enjoy life that way!

We'll see how my depletion workout goes tonight, I'm leaning out so much that at least I don't have to do any more cardio this week and after tomorrow no workouts at all.  I will do posing those days, keep my muscles active that way and continue to work my butt off on the dreaded back pose.  That has been the hardest for me to hold for more than a minute, I think once I'm on stage and have had two days of rest and carb loaded on Friday it will be way easier to hold the poses on Saturday.

I have a lot of family and friends coming to support me on Saturday, some have just let me know and I'm humbled by how many want to come watch me!  Like I said before I'm so extremely emotional right now and the outpouring of support is insane, it's helping me a lot.  I've proved to myself that I CAN do this, I will actually be standing on a stage competing on Saturday, so surreal.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Mock Show - 2 Photos :)

Wanted to share more but my eyes are so white in the photos, but these are good ones :)  I don't think we'll have to do any under eye makeup at all to hide bags because my face will get one coating of the Jana Tana tanning product I got.

But this is me, six days from the show!  Kyle said today he can tell I look even leaner today, my muscles are popping even more and like I said every day we should be able to tell a difference.  Looking at these I kind of can't believe that is me, can't wait to see how I look super tan, dried out and muscles really POPPING! :)

6 Days!

I seriously can't believe it is already the week of the competition!!!!  I may be freaking out just a tad bit, questioned my diet plan changed it up a bit, no carbs tomorrow OR Wednesday now.  Slowly adding in a few carbs on Thursday and more on Friday, depletion workouts today, tomorrow and Wednesday since I didn't do one yesterday, oops.

My depletion workouts will just be lighter weights with more reps, the idea is to push the glycogen out of my muscles which you do when you are on low or no carbs.  Then when I cut down my water on Thursday and Friday and slowly add carbs back in they should go straight to my muscles to "pump" them up.  I hope and pray this all works!

These workouts will be tough, even with lighter weights, just because I won't have the carbs to help push me through them.  I'm still taking BCAA during them to help me out.  I really am not too worried about going carb free for two days, this is the end and I want to do well so badly, it will be worth it!

Yesterday I did my mock competition for 12 family members, some of my cousins can't make it this weekend, it was NERVE RACKING.  David did my hair and Mindy did my makeup, I felt beautiful, but walking out in front of my family members in that tiny bikini, I was terrified.  I really don't think I'll be nearly as nervous Saturday in front of judges, an auditorium full of people, especially since I'll be standing with other women!

It went well, I did my t-walk a few times, my nerves really got to me the first time.  Of course everyone said I look amazing and they are so proud of me and can't believe the progress I have made.  My parents made me cry, they are just so proud of me, it was extremely emotional.  Hopefully I'm not a big cry baby this weekend, I really am super excited!

I will have some photos to post, we have to darker with the makeup under my eyes, it looks white in the photos, I'm glad we did a practice run!

Friday, October 4, 2013

8 Days - Thrown For A Loop!

Yesterday proved to be a "difficult" day.  I was messaging the promoter of the competition and because this competition is small they are allowing some leway with the t-walk, you can do more than five poses.  Here is what the NANBF says about the t-walk:


Each competitor walks individually. Competitors will walk stage left, stage right, center stage and then exit. (or at promoters discretion), Judges will award Best Presenter / Poser to the athlete that not only presents their physique in the best manner, but brings an energy and excitement to the walk within their given time.

I asked the promoter if I should stop in the center first and then walk to the side and he said, "sounds good to me!".  Not really the answer I wanted but I decided to go ahead and do that, I added another pose.

It stressed me out finding out that information, even though the t-walk doesn't count towards your score for placing, just a chance to win for best walk presentation, it is still nerve racking to change it up at the last minute. Another silly, stupid event that shouldn't have even occurred happened yesterday.  I swear in any big event in my life there is ALWAYS something that happens close to it to bring me down and make me emotional and cry.  I'm emotional as it is, probably wouldn't have cried about it under normal circumstances but I am in no way under normal circumstances.

So last night I didn't lift, Kyle didn't want me wasting a workout when I was emotionally exhausted and not in the right mind set.  I did go to the gym at 8:30pm to meet with David and change up my t-walk, the good news is that we love it even more now, I got to add in a pose I wanted to do but couldn't figure out where to add it in, so yay!  He made me laugh, we had a great time and made me realize that I need to focus on myself, as selfish as that sounds, for the next 8 days.  Surround myself with those who will be positive influences and continue to help encourage me as I reach my goal.

Today's nutrition is still the same, it won't change until Monday, I realized that I really enjoy having my swai filet for dinner on a bed of spinach leaves with a little balsamic vinegar, the spinach helps to fill me up a bit more and I would have to eat like an entire bag for there to be any carbs, yay spinach :)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

10 Days

And we begin the big countdown!  Crazy, crazy, crazy to be at this point already.  Today is the start of my 10 day shred plan, and I'm sure the next 10 days are going to fly by.

We took my body fat last night, I'm at 10.9%, I will definitely be 10% or lower for the competition, that makes me very, very happy :)  I'm feeling good, really, really, really good.  I honestly feel like for my first competition I'm in an awesome place, I have great muscle mass, awesome definition and I will just get more defined over the next 10 days.

Emotionally I have been a little bit off, not for any reason in particular.  I'm very close with all of my family, especially my mom.  She knows me like no one else, we talk on the phone every day, if I don't call her for two days she calls me worried.  I've been lacking in phone calls because I normally call her on my lunch hours and I've been working out on my lunch hours lately.

She called me at work yesterday because I wasn't feeling well in the morning and had a temp so I stayed home.  I was supposed to watch my niece Evey so I let my sister Mindy know what was going on, she called our mom to see if she could watch Evey and told mom I was home sick.  I felt better after sleeping and ended up going in to work for a half day.  My mom called me and asked me if I was ok, I told her I was, she asked again and if I was sure, I again told her yes.  We chatted for a bit and I reassured her again that I am just fine.  When I hung up I felt more "off", I can't explain it.  I don't know if it was her asking and knowing how well she knows me that even a simple change in my voice can have her realizing there is something off.  I had a strong moment of just wanting to cry for a bit, again for no particular reason, just like I HAD to cry.

For a moment I felt like a crazy person but then Summer, the gal I've been in touch with on Facebook told me she has had some meltdowns and another competitor has said the same thing.  On there is one I'm in contact with that gave me the best advice, the same advice my sister Laura has given me about letting emotions out, she said to just let it out, there really is nothing wrong with me but I'm putting my body through so much, my hormones are being affected and I'm going to feel damn emotional.  The funny thing is that what I'm feeling the most right now is pride, I'm so damn proud of myself for how far I've come and seeing this through that it does make me want to cry.

So mom if you are reading this, I am fine, I promise.  This is just such a major event in my life right now and I'm experiencing so much every moment of every day.  If I cry it is ok, if I need help I WILL reach out, I'm surrounded by so much support and I am so, so thankful for that.

Now onto my progress, sorry for the sappiness for a moment there :)  Last night was chest and back, Kyle went with me and put me through quite the workout.  It involved some heavy weights and some lights weights, push ups on a bench where you push yourself off and clap between push ups, those were hard.  I pushed myself so hard, instead of 15 reps at the end of each set I did 20 reps, this is my last week for this type of lifting and I'm going to give it my everything!  Afterwards I did 32 minutes on the step mill, sweated my ass off and felt pretty darn good!

I have a photo to share from last nights workout and one from Saturday night, my cousin Miles is impressed with my arms, maybe even a tad bit jealous ;)  We arm wrestled and he beat me, but I lifted arms that day so we have a rematch scheduled for November 2nd!

Nutrition for today:
Breakfast - Tilapia, 5 egg whites, one grapefruit
Snack - Swai, 7 almonds
Lunch - Chicken breast, 1/4 avocado, 1/2 cup sweet potato
Snack - Tuna, 1/4 avocado, 7 almonds
Dinner - Tilapia, chicken breast, spinach salad
Water - 162 oz.