Here I am again, in a spot I said I wouldn't let myself get in, and yet I'm there. The past couple of months have been so emotionally challenging for me. So many different factors from my Grandma passing, a lifelong relationship basically shattering and not knowing how to move forward, my best friend is moving out of state, struggles for my husband that I can't help him with.
Have I let it affect me? I sure have. Yesterday was my breaking point. My mom is always my savior, that poor woman, hearing my silly sob stories. I know in all actuality that they aren't silly, but man I'm looking for a break. She was so supportive yesterday and reminding me of what is truly important. Have I been regular at the gym yet? Nope. Why not? I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm angry, I've lost sight of my own personal goals among the mess that is all around me.
Time to readjust. I CAN'T fix everything going on in my life, I just have to figure out how to move forward and find ME again. So I picked up Bella yesterday and we stopped at the cemetery to visit my Grandma and Grandpa. Bella was so sweet and sat with me for a while before she wanted to walk around a little bit, but told me to stay so I could talk to Grandma and Grandpa in private. It helped, it helped me so much, to remind myself of all they had gone through in their lives. Now they are resting forever in heaven.
We have ONE life, that's it, one shot to accomplish what we want, to enjoy ourselves, to just be.
Today I feel refreshed. Are there still issues? Of course and who knows how long they will last or when the next one pops up. It is up to me how I choose to act and how I choose to let my emotions affect me.
My gym life has been minimal, I'm so sad to say that, I've only been going about 2 times a week. I do know that it is something I love and it is like therapy for me. I've missed my therapy and clearly I need it.
9 months until my next big goal. It is time to get back to work, back to who I am and hopefully next time I won't falter quite so much.