Monday, January 13, 2014

Enlightening Moment

I weighed myself Saturday morning, at my parents house so not on my normal scale, according to theirs I had lost 6 pounds.  I had a tiny freak out moment, thinking, whoa that is too much in one week and could be a bit of muscle loss!

Then I sat there for a minute thinking about how I had just reacted to that weight loss and it made me giggle.  Never in my life did I think I would EVER kind of freak out over weight loss.

As we grow up surrounded by magazines, advertisements, tv shows, movies that portray the "ideal" woman as skinny, it is hard to be mentally strong enough to not let it affect you in some way.  Having strong women around you that don't give a damn certainly helps and as you grow becoming knowledgeable about what is actually healthy for yourself is extremely helpful.

I've always had a more muscular build, my legs have always been bigger.  I can remember in high school I was embarrassed by my "man" legs, I had bigger legs than a lot of the guys.  The goal in my mind was to somehow get my legs smaller and to be skinny, not great goals.  I would check my BMI and according to that stupid chart I was always overweight, I now know the BMI chart is a joke.  I'm sorry, I know there are health professionals out there that would argue that point with me.  When you are building up muscle mass, you are going to weight more.  Many times that stupid chart would have me in the "overweight" category, so not true.

When I moved to Seattle and started working at 24 Hour Fitness I really got into weight training, but I also started taking Hydroxycut and that was when it had ephedra in it.  I would be taking 10-12 pills a day, barely eating and killing it at the gym.  I got pretty small and it just didn't look right on me.  After I stopped taking Hydroxycut, I gained the weight back I had lost fairly quickly.  A sure sign that I lost the weight in a not so healthy way.

When Kyle and I started dating we were very active and loved working out together, I had thoughts about competing but I was not disciplined enough to do it back then.  I got pregnant with Bella, indulged in EVERYTHING during my pregnancy and gained a lot of weight.  It took me a while to lose the weight after I had her and I felt horrible about myself.  I felt like I was so huge and my body had definitely changed a bit.  I would work out with Kyle and argue with him about what he was having me do, thinking I knew what I was talking about.  We would go for runs and I would get irritated if he ran faster than me, I'm "slightly" competitive ;)  At that point we just couldn't work out together, I was a stubborn ass.

So when we began last January and Kyle saw the change in me, it was just nice to know we could do this together, I would listen to him and more importantly learn from him.  We don't focus our attention on the number on the scale, but I do weigh myself so that I know if I need to add in more calories to my nutrition plan or not.  I'm feeding my muscles right now, I need to know if I'm not feeding them properly, but there is no ideal weight goal for me.  We go mostly off of body fat percentage, as long as that stays where we want it, I'm pretty much good to go :)

I guess what I'm trying to say is this, it feels awesome to truly be happy with myself physically.  I can't say there has a been a moment in my life where I've felt this way.  I'm happy with ME, proud of how strong I am and the goals I am achieving.  Bella sees me as a strong, happy woman, I work out to be healthy, to compete, to be strong, to be happy, to be confident and that is the image of women she will grow up seeing the most!

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